| A lady goes to the doctor and complains her husband is losing interest in sex. He gives her a pill but warns her it is still experimental. He tells her to slip it
in his mashed potatoes at dinner and she does. About a week later she's back at the doctor and says, "The pill worked great. I put it in his mashed potatoes like you said. It wasn't five minutes later and he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes on the floor, grabbed me and made love right there on the table." The doctor says, "I'm sorry, we didn't realize the pill was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages." The lady replied, "Naah, That's okay. We aren't going back to that restaurant anyway." |
| A Kentucky man went to see the local doctor and complained because his wife was having too many little bastards; she was having at least one per year. He said, "Doc, ya gotta help me, I can't gets enough welfare or steal enough to feeds em all." The doctor got down his medical reference book and looked up the problem. He told his patient the book said if a man's bitch was having too many brats, he should remove the man's right testicle. He then administered anesthesia with a beer bottle and took out his pocket knife and performed the surgery. Three years later the man was back at the doctor's office complaining the surgery had failed; she was still having at least one per year. The wise doctor took his book back down and studied the problem. The doctor said, "Well, the book says if your wife is having too many brats to remove your right testicle, we've done that. If she still has too many brats, then we should remove the left testicle." Once again he got his beer bottle and his pocket knife and performed surgery. Three years later, the same man was back complaining the surgery had once again failed. The doctor was quite perplexed and got his book back down. After several minutes of study he told his patient, "It says here if a man's wife is having too many brats to remove his right testicle. If she continues to have too many brats, remove his left testicle. We've done all that. The next page says if the man's wife still has too many brats after you have removed both testicles, you've done castrated the wrong man!" |
| Banta was suffering from a terrible headache, so he went to see his doctor, a young recent Bridge course medical graduate. The young doctor listened to him carefully and told him, "Go home, lie down on your tummy, open your ass wide and ask your wife to pour some gin down your ass." "What???" said Banta. The Doctor repeated patiently, "Go home, lie down on your tummy, open your ass wide and ask your wife to pour some gin down your ass." The headache was really killing him, so Banta went home and very sceptically tried out what the doctor told him. And guess what, the headache vanished! So Banta goes running back to the doctor and says, "Doctor, doctor, where did you learn this amazing cure?" And the young doctor replies modestly, "Oh that is nothing. They taught us this on our very first day in medical school." "Really?" says Banta, "This is what they taught you in medical school?" "Yes, of course. They said for a headache you should always prescribe "Analgin'." |
| A woman went to the gynecologist, and when asked what was the problem, she responded, "Well, whenever I take off my clothes, my nipples get hard." Shocked, the doctor took a deep breath, then asked, "Your nipples get hard?" "Yes," quite innocently came her reply. "Undress so I can check," replied the still amazed doc. So, she undressed, and he got down to the feeling and massaging, trying to reach an answer. After some considerable time, the doctor, still looked puzzled, said, "Well madame, I don't know what you have, but it's sure as hell contagious!" |