| A female TV reporter arranged for an interview with a farmer living just outside Cornerbrook, Newfoundland, to find the main cause of the Mad Cow Disease. The Lady: Good evening, sir. I am here to collect information on the possible source of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease? The Farmer stared at the reporter and said: Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year? The lady reporter (obviously embarrassed): Well, sir, that's a new piece of information, but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease? The Farmer: And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day? The reporter: Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point? The Farmer: I am getting to the point, madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day and only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you get mad? |
| An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She is chatting to St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful blood-curdling screams. "Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "it's just someone having the holes bored in their shoulder blades for the wings." The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. Ten minutes later, there are more blood-curdling screams. "Oh my goodness," says the old lady, "now what's happening?" "Not to worry," says St. Peter, "they are just having their head drilled to fit the halo." "I can't do this," says the old lady, "I'm off down to hell." "'You can't go there," says St. Peter, "you'll be raped and sodomized." "Maybe so," says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes for that!" |
| There was a man and a woman in a parked car at a drive in movie. They were having sex in the back-seat of a small sports car when the man suddenly slipped a disk in his back! He was stuck, he couldn't move at all and neither could his girlfriend, she was pinned nude beneath her 250 pound lover. They were desperate to get out so she managed to reach over the front seat with her leg and honk the horn. A big crowd gathered, all enjoying the free show. Some women volunteers served them coffee through the window while others worked to free them. Finally firemen cut away the top of the car. The 250 pound man was lifted out and the woman, sobbing was helped out of the car, too. The ambulance driver tried to calm her down telling her the man would be fine, but she was so upset. She said she was worried about how she was going to explain to her husband what happened to his car! |
| Father Harris was motoring along a country lane in his parish on a spring afternoon when all of a sudden he got a flat tire. Exasperated, the priest stopped his car, got
out, and assessed the damage. Luckily a four-wheel-drive jeep rounded the bend and pulled to a stop behind the crippled vehicle. The door to the jeep opened and out stepped a powerful hunk of a man. "Good afternoon, Father," greeted the stranger. "Can I give you a hand?" "Heaven be praised," rejoiced the priest. "As you can see, my son, I have a flat tire, and I must admit I've never changed one before." "Don't worry about it, Father. I'll take care of it." And without skipping a beat, the bruiser picked up the front of the car with one hand and removed the lug nuts from the base of the flat tire with the other. "Why don't you get the spare from the trunk?" "Why, ahh, yes, of course, my son," stuttered the amazed Father Harris. The priest rolled the spare around to the strong-man who casually lifted it up with his free hand, maneuvered it into place, and proceeded to tighten the lug nuts. "Do you need the wrench?" the Father queried. "That's OK," the fellow told him. "These nuts are as tight as a nun's snatch." "Hmmmm..." mused Father Harris. "I'd better get the wrench." |