| Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheikh came in. "I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession." The sheikh turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living. "I'm a cop," says the first man. "Then we will shoot your penis off!" said the sheikh. He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living. "I'm a firemen," said the second man. "Then we will burn your penis off!" said the sheikh. Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living?" The third man answered, with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman!" |
| A doctor drives by a small town. He stops at a gas station & notices there is no one there. A little kid passes by & tells him the gas station is closed because everyone is a the funeral of the owner's daughter. Since he was out of gas, he decided to stay for the night & goes to the funeral When he gets there he goes in & looks at the open casket & notices that something is wrong. He calls the father, "Sir, I'm a doctor & I can assure you she is not dead, she is in a catatonic sleep." "What do we do now?" asks the father. "Does she have a boyfriend?", asks the doctor. "Yes," replies the father. "Take her to a room & have the boyfriend have sex with her." They do as the doctor said & sure enough, she wakes up. Everybody was happy & the doctor leaves once he fills up his gas tank. A few months go by & the doctor returns to the same gas station. The same kid greets him again, "Doctor, it is so great to see you again. About a week ago Mrs. Edward died. Half of the town has screwed her already but she is just not waking up." |
| It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and the young nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray. The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone. "Oh, sister," said the young nun dreamily, "I've been Saved." "Saved? And how did that come about?" asked the old nun. "Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven." "Did he?" said the old nun curiously. Sister Magdalene continued, "And Father John said that if The Key to Heaven fits my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured salvation and eternal peace. And then, Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock." "Is that a fact?" said the old nun even more curiously. "At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my Heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved." "That wicked old bastard" said the old nun. "He told me it was Gabriel's Horn and I've been blowing it for 40 years." |
| The pick-up couple was relaxing after a satisfying session of lovemaking. The guy considered himself lucky to have been able to attract and bed such a luscious looking dish. He was even considering trying to establish a relationship instead of just a one-night stand. But he couldn't help but to think that he had met her before. "I can't help feeling that we've met before." he said. "Yeah, I know," sighed the girl stretching. "It happens to me a lot. I think they call this 'de ja screw.'" |