| A dumb guy finds one dollar in his couch at home. He really needs to have sex, so he goes to the local brothel and tells the lady at the desk, "Give me your best whore!" She yells upstairs, "Harry, grease up Sally!" and says, "That'll be five hundred dollars, please." The man says, "Oh, I don't have that much." The woman says, "Okay, then, Harry grease up Monica! That'll be two hundred dollars, please." The guy says, "I don't have that much." So the woman yells upstairs, "Harry, grease up Katrina! That'll be fifty dollars, please." The guy says, "Oh, I don't have that much." So the woman says, "Well, how much do you have?" He says, "One dollar." So she yells upstairs "Harry, grease up a glove!" |
| A guy walks up to the 'Visa on arrival' counter at the Bangkok International Airport and presents two Indian passports with 3000 baht cash and says, "Two visas. For me and my wife. Here are the passports and cash." The officer at the counter says, "Extra 2000 Baht please." The man asks him, "Why extra 2000 Baht?" Says the officer, "Corkage Sir." The man, irked a little, asks back, "What corkage ? I'm not in a pub and not bringing my own whiskey!" The officer politely replies, "This is Thailand Sir, and we charge corkage for bringing your own wife to Thailand." |
| A female TV reporter arranged for an interview with a farmer living just outside Cornerbrook, Newfoundland, to find the main cause of the Mad Cow Disease. The Lady: Good evening, sir. I am here to collect information on the possible source of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease? The Farmer stared at the reporter and said: Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year? The lady reporter (obviously embarrassed): Well, sir, that's a new piece of information, but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease? The Farmer: And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day? The reporter: Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point? The Farmer: I am getting to the point, madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day and only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you get mad? |
| An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She is chatting to St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful blood-curdling screams. "Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "it's just someone having the holes bored in their shoulder blades for the wings." The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. Ten minutes later, there are more blood-curdling screams. "Oh my goodness," says the old lady, "now what's happening?" "Not to worry," says St. Peter, "they are just having their head drilled to fit the halo." "I can't do this," says the old lady, "I'm off down to hell." "'You can't go there," says St. Peter, "you'll be raped and sodomized." "Maybe so," says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes for that!" |