| In school one day, the teacher decided that for science class she would teach about raw materials. She stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?" Little Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Corvette." The teacher nodded and called on little Susie. Little Susie said, "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Porsche." The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicon." The teacher said, "Johnny, why silicon?" "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars parked outside of our house!!" |
| Nancy and Little Johnny were riding down the road and Little Johnny swerved slightly to go past a pretty blonde jogging. Nancy said, "Did you see her?" "Well, yeah." said Little Johnny. "That really gets me. I've never understood that about women. She was wearing a necklace, two bracelets, hoop earrings, her nails were freshly polished with Salerno Mavala nail polish, she'd recently spritzed Chanel behind her ears, and she was wearing Yves Saint Laurent lip gloss!" Nancy said. "You noticed all that?" asked Little Johnny. "Yes I did. You didn't?" replied Nancy. Little Johnny said, "Not exactly. All I noticed was that she had legs all the way up to her very well rounded cute little butt, a spectacular set of tits and no wedding ring." Then Little Johnny had to swerve again to avoid being slapped by an even more upset Nancy. |
| Little Johnny asks his dad for a telly in his room. His dad reluctantly agrees. Next day Little Johnny comes downstairs and asks, "Dad, what's love juice" Dad looks horrified and tells Little Johnny all about sex and the birds and the bees. Little Johnny just sat there with his mouth open in amazement. Dad says, "So what were you watching"? Little Johnny replies, "Lawn Tennis" |
| The teacher says, "Okay, class, we're going to play a game today. I want everyone to give me a sentence with the word 'perhaps' in it." Claude says, "Perhaps if we are good, the teacher won't give us any homework." The teacher says, "Very good, Claude." Mary says, "The sky is very dark... perhaps it's going to rain." The teacher says, "Very good, Mary." She calls on Little Johnny in the back, "Johnny?" He says, "Yesterday, when I got home from school, my sister and her music teacher both had their pants down to their ankles. Perhaps they were gonna shit on the piano, but I doubt that." |