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Guess My Age
A South Indian and his six year old son went to the Zoo.
At the Elephant's section, there was a sign put up, "Feed the elephant a bun to get your age."
The little boy gives a bun to the elephant and it stamps its foot six times.
"Wow," says the boy. "That's right. I'm six. Dad, now you have a go."
The South Indian dad gives the elephant a bun.
A moment later, the elephant lets go a loud fart and stamps his foot thrice.
Dad, "O mai Gad. Wat a korect anszer. I'm farty three." -
My Wife is Expecting
A young Army private seeks permission from his commanding officer to leave camp the following weekend.
"You see," he explains, "my wife's expecting."
"I understand," the officer tells him. "You go, and tell your wife that I wish her luck."
The following week the same soldier is back again with the same explanation: "My wife's expecting."
The officer looks surprised, "Still expecting?" asks. `Well, well, my boy, you must be pretty bothered. Of course you can have the weekend off."
When the same soldier appears again the third week, however, the officer loses his temper.
"Don't tell me your wife is still expecting," he says.
"Yes, sir," says the soldier resolutely. "She's still expecting."
"What in heaven is she expecting?" the officer. Says the soldier simply, "Me." -
Upset Wife
Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before.
The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble."
The second deaf man signed back, "Boy, you're lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me heck for being out so late."
The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you do?"
The second deaf man signed, "I turned out the light!" -
An Atheist Meets God
An atheist was fishing on Loch Ness when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. With an easy flip, the beast tossed his boat high into the air and then opened its huge mouth to catch him.
As he sailed into the sky, he cried, "Oh, God! Please help me!"
At once, the ferocious scene froze!
As the atheist hung there in mid-air a booming voice came out of the clouds, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!"
"Come on, God. Give me a break!" man. "A minute ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"