| Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spotted survivors of a ship that had just sunk. "Follow me son" the older father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people. "First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did. "Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did. "Now we eat everybody." And they did. When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?" His wise old father replied, "Because they taste better without the shit inside!" |
| There's a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him. The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him. So the guy turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him. By now, the car is so close and the man so scared that he just freezes and stops in the middle of the road. The car gets real close, then swerves at the last possible moment and screeches to a halt right next him. The driver rolls down the window. The driver is a dog. The dog says to the man, "See, it's not as easy as it looks, is it?" |
| A kangaroo at the Sydney zoo kept getting out of his enclosure every night. Knowing that mature kangaroos could hop very high, the zoo officials replaced the eight-foot fence with a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo. They tore down the ten-foot fence and put up a fifteen-foot fence. He was out again the next morning. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out. When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?" The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless somebody thinks to lock the gate at night!" |
| A guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says, "I bet $50.00 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play." The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus picks it up, tunes the strings and starts playing. His owner pockets fifty bucks. Next comes a guy with a trumpet. The octopus takes the horn, wiggles the valves a few times, licks its lips and plays a fantastic jazz solo. His owner pockets another fifty bucks. The bartender disappears out back, returns a few moments later with a set of bagpipes, and says, "If your octopus can play that, I'll give you a hundred dollars." The octopus looks at the bagpipes, lifts them up, turns them over, and looks again from another angle. The puzzled octopus' owner interrupts his pet's concentration, and says, "Well? Are you going to play it or not?" The octopus says, "Play it? Hell! I'm trying to figure out how to take off its pajamas!" |