| A bloke went into a pub, sat down at the bar and ordered five pots. The barman wondered since he was alone, but served up the five pots. And the bloke downed them all... one, two, three, four, five. As he finished the last one, he called to the barman and ordered four more. The barman served up four pots and the bloke downed them... one, two, three, four. He belched, swayed a little on his stool, but ordered three more. And again he knocked them back... one, two, three. "Two potsh, mate!" he called. The barman served him two pots and down they went... one, two. "One pot, sssir!" The barman served him one but the bloke just sat there, staring at it, trying to focus. Then he told the barman, "You know, it'sh ssstrange, but the lesssh I drink, the drunker I feel!" |
| One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went: "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers." |
| A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots." Bartender says, "You want them both now or one at a time?" The guy says," Oh, I want them both now. One's for me and one's for this little guy here," and he pulls a tiny three inch man out of his pocket. The bartender asks, "He can drink?" "Oh, sure. He can drink." So the bartender pours the shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up. "That's amazing," says the bartender. "What else can he do, can he walk?" The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Jake. Go get that." The little guy runs down to the end of the bar and picks up the quarter. Then he runs back down and gives it to the man. The bartender is in total shock. "That's amazing," he says, "what else can he do? Does he talk?" The man says, "Sure he talks, hey, Jake, tell him about that time we were in Africa and you made fun of that witch doctor's powers!" |
| Two guys are sitting at a bar. "You know why I love this bar?" asks the first one. "No," says the second guy. "Why do you love this bar?" The first guy points at the window, which is six stories above the ground. "It has a magic window," he says. "You jump out of that window, and you can fly." The second guy just shakes his head. "Shut up." "No," says the first guy. "It really is a magic window. I'll prove it to you." So the first guy gets down from his bar stool, runs at the window, jumps out of it, and flies. He flies around the building twice, up and down, and finally comes back in. He walks to his barstool, and takes a sip of his drink. "See?" he says. The second guy looks confused. He looks at his drink. "I must be drunk," he says. "Still don't believe me?" asks the second guy. "I'll show you again." He gets down from his stool, runs and jumps out of the window again. This time he performs some impressive aerial acrobatics, spins, flips, dives. When he finally comes back in, the second guy is staring at him, slack-jawed. "Wow," says the second guy. "A magic window." He gets off his barstool, takes a running jump out of the window, and promptly plummets to his death. The first guy starts laughing. The bartender comes over to the first guy with a stern look on his face. "Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk." Read more on page: http://www.jokesoftheday.net/jokes-archive/2019/07/16/ |