| One day Lord shiva decided to visit the earth and try some alcohol. So he changed his get-up and went to a bar in Chandigarh and asked the bartender, "What all do you have". Bartender, "We have whiskey, rum, vodka, gin, beer..." Lord Shiva, "Let's try whiskey first, give me five bottles of whiskey." After having five bottles of whiskey, Lord shiva decided to try Rum. Bartender was shocked, "Who is this man, after having five bottles of whisky and he is still on his feet." After having five bottles of Rum, Shiva decided to have beer. After having fourty bottles of beer, he asked the bartender for Gin. Bartender couldn't stop himself asking him, "Sir, who are you?? I ve seen people getting drunk after having four glasses of whiseky, and you've almost had fifty bottles and you are still on your feet, who are you???" Lord Shiva, "Vats, Hum Bhagwaan Shiv hain." Bartender, "AB CHADHI ISKO!!!" |
| A guy walks into a Texas bar and orders a small glass beer. When the bartender comes with the drink it was the size of a a keg. The guy says that he just ordered a small glass of beer. Bartender says, "That is a small glass of beer, son. Everything in Texas is big." Then he ordered a small steak. When the waitress brings it to him, it is this huge 40 oz. piece of meat. The guy says that he only ordered a small steak. The waitress says, "Son, everything is big in Texas. After eating he asks where the bathroom is and is told to take the third door on the right. By now he is a bit smashed and though he carefully counts the doors, he enters the third door on the left and falls into a pool. He returns to the bar soaking wet. "What in Hell happened to you?" asks the barkeep. "Oh man, I fell in the damn toilet!" |
| An Irishman's been at a pub all night drinking beer. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he crawls home and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he falls right into bed and is sound asleep. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him. "So, you've been out drinking again!!" "How did you know?" he asks. "The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again." |
| On his first date with a beautiful woman, Joe decided to impress her with his knowledge of wine. He told the wine steward to bring a bottle of 1985 Sterling Chabernet Sauvignon from the Carneros District. Upon tasting the wine, Joe berated the steward, "No, no, this is a 1987 Vintage from the North Coast Vineyards near Calistoga. Please bring me what I ordered." The second bottle of wine was poured, and once again Joe was annoyed, "No, no, this is 1985 all right, but it's from the Mount Helena vineyards!" Watching the drama from the bar, an old drunk came up to the table and said, "Wow, that's an impressive ability. Can you tell me what's in my glass?" Not wanting to pass up an opportunity to impress his date, Joe sipped at the drunk's glass. "Christ, this tastes like piss!" he exclaimed and spat the mouthful out. "That's exactly right," said the drunk. "Now tell me when and where I was born." |