| A blonde was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?" "Yes," she answered, "Do you need a lift?" "Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble." "I'd be happy to," said the woman. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went. Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde. "What the heck are you doing here?" he demanded. "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo." "Yes, I know you did," said the blonde, "But we had money left over, so now we're going to Sea World." |
| A blonde brought her baby to a doctor. After examining, the doctor right away determined that the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for eardrops. In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R with a circle around it. Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil. The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label: "Put two drops in R ear every four hours." |
| A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the server, "Hey, you want to hear a blond joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair -- given that you're blind -- that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blond girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a blond girl. 3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blond woman with a black belt in karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blond and a professional weightlifter. 5. The lady to your right is blond and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?" The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times." |
| "Did you hear what happened?" Jim asked when he saw me walking down the hallway at work. "Hear what?" I asked, my curiosity peaked. "The regional vice president died this morning!" "What?!" I asked, totally stunned. "What happened?" "He was working through lunch when he had a heart attack" Jim began explaining. "Everyone was gone except his secretary. You know the one." "That young blonde babe?" "Yeah that's the one. Turns out she isn't too smart, though." "What do you mean?" I asked. "He kept yelling at her to 'call 9 1 1'. She just stood there waiting for him to give her the rest of the phone number." |