| A preacher was making a wooden trellis to support a climbing vine. As he was pounding away, he noticed that a little boy was watching him. The youngster did not say a word, so the preacher kept working. He was sure the lad would soon leave but he didn't. Pleased at the thought that his work was being admired, the preacher finally said, "Well, son, trying to pick up some pointers on carpentry work?" "Nope. I'm just waiting to hear what a preacher says when he hits his thumb with a hammer." |
| A little boy asks his dad "Where does poo come from?" His father is taken aback by the question but decides to give his son the facts straight up. "Well son," he says, "food passes down the esophagus by peristalsis. It enters the stomach, where digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction in the alimentary canal. This contracts the protein before waste enters the colon. Water is absorbed, whereupon it enters the rectum finally to emerge as poo." "Wow," says the boy. "So where does Tigger come from?" |
| Now a days teachers are not allowed to say or write anything negative... A few interesting letters from teachers to get around this....... Dear Parent, We are delighted to inform you that your child displays remarkable initiative. Not for him the simple-minded obedience to teachers. We refer to his admirable refusal to do homework. We have, however, humbly requested him to stoop to our level and condescend to do his homework. Your support is appreciated. Yours anxiously, Teacher Dear Parent, Your child's distaste for mundane subjects such as mathematics shows an imaginative mind. Why, he wonders, does the square of the hypotenuse have to be equal to the square of the other two sides in a right-angled triangle? It is no wonder that he has scored a splendid zero in his math exam. Unfortunately, even brilliant students have to pass exams. Could you gently break that news to him? Yours entreatingly, Teacher Dear Parent, We are pleased your child has one of the same qualities that Henry Ford, the founder of the Ford Motor Company, possessed. Like him, your son believes that history is bunk. But it may be best to disabuse him of the notion that the Mughal emperors were Amar, Akbar and Anthony. Yours beseechingly, Teacher Dear Parent, Your child submitted a blank paper for last week's science test, influenced perhaps by Albert Camus who said 'Whether the earth or the sun revolves around the other is a matter of profound indifference'. Your son shares that profound indifference, undoubtedly for philosophical reasons. But could you inform him that in order to study philosophy, he has to pass class eight first? Yours plaintively, Teacher Dear Parent, Your son has obviously read Friedrich Nietzsche's Beyond Good and Evil, which is why he was copying from the boy next to him during yesterday's test. Like Nietzsche, he believes that Supermen like him have little use for conventional notions of morality. The teacher who caught him copying is a conventional type who gave him a zero. Yours desperately, Teacher Dear Parent, We are impressed by your child's knowledge of martial arts. In the past month, he has broken two legs, four arms and three noses. He also shows prudence while fighting, taking care to pick on weaker boys. For some reason, however, the fathers of the boys who were beaten up are planning to go to your home with hockey sticks. Yours wretchedly, Teacher |
| The following are actual submissions on a series of quizzes, tests, and essays. "Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state." "H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water." "To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube." "When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide." "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water." "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars." "Blood flows down one leg and up the other." "Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration." "The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader." "Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull." "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire." "A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold." "The body consists of three parts - the branium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u." "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas." "The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects." "The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to." |