| Two Irishmen, adrift in a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean, spied a lamp floating nearby. They retrieved it, and, hoping against hope, rubbed it. Sure enough, a genie appeared. "I will grant you one wish," said the genie. "One? What about three?" "One or none; take it or leave it!" Without thinking, Pat blurted out, "Turn the ocean into Guinness!" The genie clapped his hands as he disappeared and the entire sea turned into Guinness. As the beer lapped gently against the hull, Mike looked disgusted. "Dammit, Pat... Ya shoulda thought ahead. Now we're going to have to pee in the damned boat!" |
| A Sindhi went to a dentist for tooth extraction and first enquired about cost. Dentist said it's 1200 per extraction. The Sindhi thought it was too much and asked about cheaper methods. The dentist said: Yes, it can be done without anesthesia and will cost only Rs. 300, but it would be very very painful. Sindhi said: Ok Doctor, do it without anesthesia. The dentist removed the tooth without anesthesia and during the entire procedure the Sindhi sat quietly, even smiling a little. The dentist was not only surprised but was quite impressed and said: I have never seen such a brave patient like you. I don't even want my fees, here, instead take this Rs. 500 as a reward, you've taught me such a powerful lesson today about mastering one's pain and feelings !!! In the evening he met his fellow dentists and told everyone about his amazing Sindhi patient. Out of all doctors, one doctor jumped up and shouted: That rascal Sindhi first came to me... I gave him anesthesia and asked him to wait outside for half an hour ! After half an hour when I called him he had left !!!! |
| The cowboy sat on a stool drinking a beer as the Mexican, also dressed in western garb, sat next to him. There was a slight nod as they looked at each other. Soon the cowboy ordered another and bought one for the Mexican also. When their glasses became empty the cowboy bought again. Then a third time the cowboy bought again and the Mexican grinned and spoke something but the bar-tender never knew what he said. Then the cowboy seemed to be infuriated and stood up suddenly grawing his gun and shot the Mexican dead... At the cowboy's hearing the judge the judge asked the cowboy, "Why did you suddenly become enraged for no apparent reason and shoot this individual dead." "Well, the cowboy explained, I tried to be friendly and he began calling me names and insulting me for no reason and finally I got mad." "What names did he call you that made you so mad that you wanted to kill him?" asked the Judge. "Well, answered the cowboy, three times I bought him a drink, and each time he grinned in my face and called me Grassy Ass..." Gracias (Spanish) To Thank someone, Gratitude. |
| One day many years ago at a school in South London a teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give 20 bucksto the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived." An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Alan, that's not correct." Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either. Finally, a Gujarati boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Jignesh, come up here and I'll give you the 20 bucks." As the teacher was giving Jayant his money, she said, "You know Jignesh, since you are Gujarati, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ." Jignesh, "Yes, in my heart I knew it was Lord Krishna, but business is business!" |