| A lawyer, who had a wife and 12 children, needed to move because his rental agreement was terminated by the owner, who wanted to reoccupy the home. When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they felt that the children would destroy the place. So he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of their kids. He took the remaining one with him to see rental homes with the real estate agent. He loved one of the homes and the price was right. The agent asked, "How many children do you have?" He answered, "Twelve." The agent asked, "Where are the others?" The lawyer, with his best courtroom sad look, answered, "They're in the cemetery with their mother." MORAL: It's not necessary to lie; one has only to choose the right words. |
| A prestigious law firm interviewing prospective attorneys had narrowed the field down to Bob and Paul. Both had graduated at the top of their respective law school classes. Both were from good families. Both were equally handsome. Both were well-spoken. But the senior law partner only asked each man one question, "Why did you become a lawyer?" and then chose Bob. Later, Paul said to Bob, "I can't understand why he didn't want me. When he asked me why I became a lawyer, I told him that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I'd lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do the right thing for my clients. What did you say?" Bob replied, "I just told him, 'I became a lawyer because of my hands.'" "Your hands?" asked Paul incredulously. "Yeah," said Bob. "One day I looked at my hands and there wasn't any money in either of them!" |
| There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!" Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful" it was "cute." She said, "What happened to 'beautiful'?" His reply was, "The drugs are wearing off!" |
| Two judges were each arrested on speeding charges. When they arrived in court on the appointed day, no one was there, so instead of wasting time waiting around they decided to try each other. One took the stand and the other said, "How do you plead?" "Guilty." "That'll be fifty dollars and a warning from the court." The two judges shook hands and changed places. "How do you plead?" asked the judge. "Guilty." The judge reflected for a moment, and said, "These reckless driving cases are becoming all too common of late. In fact, this is the second such incident in the last fifteen minutes. That will be two hundred dollars and ten days in jail." |