| The judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed his statement from one which he had previously made to the police. For example, he said, when I entered my chambers today, I was sure I had my gold watch in my pocket. But then I remembered that I left in on my nightstand in my bedroom. When the judge returned home, his wife asked him, Why so much urgency for your watch? Isnt sending three men to get it a bit extreme? What? said the judge, I didn't send anyone for my watch, let alone three people; what did you do? I gave it to the first one, said the wife. He knew exactly where it was. |
| Nathan is talking to his lawyer. "Here's the deal, Abe. If you're absolutely sure I'll win the case, I'll give you the business." "OK," replies Abe, "but before I can give you my opinion, I obviously need to know the facts." So Nathan goes into great detail about his failed partnership and ends up saying, "So now you've heard everything, do you think I can sue my partner and get my money back?" "Well," replies Abe, "from what I've just heard, it's clear to me that you will win. It's rare to have such an open-and-shut case." Nathan goes very white when he hears this. "What's the matter?" asks Abe. "I told you my partner's side of the case," replies Nathan. |
| It was a case of attempted murder, in which the prisoner was accused of having fired twice at his intended victim. One of the witnesses for the prosecution was being severely cross-examined by the defending counsel. "You say that you heard both shots fired?" he asked sternly. "Yes, sir." "How near were you to the scene of the affair?" "At the time the first shot was fired I was about twenty feet from the prisoner." "Twenty feet. Humph! Now tell the court how far you were off when you heard the second shot." "Well, sir," replied the witness slowly, "I didn't exactly measure the distance; but, speaking approximately, I should say about half a mile." |
| A lawyer, who had a wife and 12 children, needed to move because his rental agreement was terminated by the owner who wanted to reoccupy the home. But he was having a lot of difficulty finding a new house. When he said, he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they felt that the children would destroy the place. He couldn't say he had no children, because he couldn't lie. Now we all know lawyers cannot, and do not lie... So, he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of their kids. He took the remaining one with him to see rental homes with the real estate agent. He loved one of the homes and the price was right. The agent asked, "How many children do you have?" He answered, "Twelve." The agent asked, "Where are the others?" The lawyer, with his best courtroom sad look answered, "Well, they're in the cemetery with their mother." MORAL: It's not necessary to lie, one only has to choose the right words.... |