| The teacher once asked the class to make a sentence with the phrase pistol too. Timmy raised his hand, and after being recognized said, "The lone Ranger tamed the wild west with his faithful Indian companion and his pistol too." Very good says the teacher. Little Johnny raised his hand, and after being called on said, "Down at our house we make home-brew, drink till twelve, and piss till two." |
| When Little Johnny's mother found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to anyone who would listen. But Little Johnny overheard some of his parents' private conversations. One day, when Johnny and his mother were shopping, a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby. "Yes!" Johnny answered, "and I know what we're gonna name it, too. If it's a girl, we're going to call her Christina, and if it's another boy we're going to call it Quits! |
| Little Johnny's teacher was teaching the kids about starvation. Being a good teacher she decided to call on selected students to draw a picture of starvation on the board. Sue went first, she drew a round circle with three little lines in the middle of the circle. The teacher said, "That's very good Sue. What is it?" Sue said, "That's a plate with only three carrot sticks to eat, I think that... represents starvation." Next went Dan, he drew a round circle with 3 dots in the middle. The teacher said, "That's good Dan. What is it?" Dan said, "That's a plate with only 3 peas to eat. I think that represents starvation." Johnny went next. He drew a picture of a round circle with little squiggely lines all over in the circle. The teacher said, "That's good Johnny. What is it?" Johnny said, "That's an a$$hole with cob webs........ If that isn't starvation, I don't know what is. |
| One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed Little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said quietly, "Good morning, son." "Good morning, pastor," replied the young man not taking his eyes off the plaque. "Sir, what is this?" Johnny asked. "Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service," replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque. Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, "Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30?" |