| What is the difference between a Wife and a Girlfriend? Great thought in Modified version. Wife is like a TV and Girlfriend is like a MOBILE. At home you watch TV, but when you go out you take your MOBILE with you. Sometimes you enjoy TV, but most of the time, you play with your MOBILE. TV is (as good as) free for life, but for the MOBILE, if you don't pay, the services will be terminated. TV is big, bulky and most of the time old, But the MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy, replaceable and portable. Operational costs for TV is often acceptable but for the MOBILE, it is often high and demanding. TV has a remote but MOBILE doesn't. Most importantly, MOBILE is a two-way communication (you talk and listen), but with the TV, you MUST only listen (whether you want to or not)! Last but not least! Yet TVs are superior because TVs don't have viruses, but MOBILES often do. And mobiles can be easily hacked or stolen. Take Care. Stick to TV only. Issued in Public interest! |
| A young man watched as an elderly couple sat down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered just one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the old gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, etc, until each had exactly half. Then the old man poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, but his wife just sat watching him. The young man felt sorry for them and asked, "I'm sorry to intrude, but would you allow me to purchase another meal for your wife so that you don't have to split your food?" The old gentleman said, "Oh, no, thank you. But you see, we've been married a long time, and everything has always been shared, 50/50." The young man said, "Wow! That's commendable." He then turned to the wife and asked, "Aren't you going to eat your share?" The wife replied "Not yet. It's his turn to use the teeth." |
| After only a year in Canada, a Polish man got married to a nice Canadian girl. They got along quite well until the day he rushed into his lawyer's office and begged him to arrange a quick divorce. The lawyer said, "What are the circumstances? Have you any grounds?" And the Polish immigrant replied, "Ja, ja, ve've got an acre and a half with a nice little house." "No, I mean, what is the foundation of your case?" "It's made of concrete." "Does either of you have a grudge?" "No, but we have a big carport." "I mean, what are your relations like?" "All my relations are in Poland." "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?" "Yes, we have high fidelity stereo and a CD player." "No, I mean, does your wife beat you up?" "No, I get up before her.` `Is your wife a nagger?" "What? No, she's white." `Why do you want this divorce anyway?" "She's gonna kill me. She's going to poison me." "Really? What makes you think so?" `I've got proof." "What kind of proof?" "She brought home a bottle from the drug store that says, 'Polish Remover!'" |
| Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian." He stumbles into the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee, and the morning newspaper all waiting for him. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?" "Well, you came home after 3 in the morning, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door." Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh THAT! Well, Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,'Leave me alone, I'm married!'" |