| Gavaskar had decided to relinquish his opening position and come in at no 4 for that test. But, Malcolm Marshall fired out Anshuman Gaekwad and Dilip Vengsarkar for ducks, setting the stage for Gavaskar to walk in at 0/2. And he thought there would be less pressure! "Man, it doesn't matter where you come in to bat, the score is still zero." - Viv Richards to Sunil Gavaskar at Madras 1983. Greg Thomas was bowling to Viv Richards in a county game. Viv missed a superb outswinger, and Thomas said "It's red, round and weighs about 5 1/2 ounces." Next ball Viv hits Greg Thomas out of the ground for 6 and replies, " Greg, you know what it looks like. Go ahead and find it!" Australia fighting for a win nearing the end of a Test Match, Fred Trueman at the crease. The Aus captain has plenty of close in fielders, whose shadows fall on the wicket. Fredie finds this objectionable, "Ere, if you lads don't back off, I'll appeal for bad light!" Tom Goddard, of Gloucestershire, once bowled 42 consecutive overs under heat wave conditions. Finally, he complained about his unthinking captain, "Why the hell! doesn't the bloody bugger take me off?` raved Goddard. At that moment it was gently pointed out to him, by amused team-mates, that skipper Basil Allen had left the field hours earlier. Allen had in fact asked a colleague to lead the side in his absence, the colleague being Goddard himself!! The best of the best (Incident described in "From the Pavilion End" by Harold "Dickie" Bird) "Bomber" Wells, a spin bowler and great character, played for Glocuestershire and Nottinghamshire. He used to bat at No.11 since one couldn't bat any lower. Of him, they used to paraphrase Compton's famous words describing and equally inept runner; "When he shouts 'YES' for a run, it is merely the basis for further negotiations!" Incidentally, Compton was no better. John Warr said, of Compton: "He was the only person who would call you for a run and wish you luck at the same time." Anyway, when Wells played for Gloucs, he had an equally horrendous runner as the No.10. During a county match, horror of horrors....... both got injured. Both opted for runners when it was their turn to bat. Bomber played a ball on the off, called for a run, forgot he had a runner and ran himself. Ditto at the other end. In the melee, someone decided that a second run was on. Now we had all four running. Due to the confusion and constant shouts of "YES"... "NO"..., eventually, all of them ran to the same end. Note at this point in time, the entire ground is rolling on the floor laughing their behinds out. One of the fielders - brave lad - stops laughing for a minute, picks the ball and throws down the wicket at the other end. Umpire Alec Skelding looks very seriously at the four and calmly informs them, "One of you buggers is out . I don't know which. You decide and inform the bloody scorers!" |
| Australia are so morally Bancroft. What they did is in Starc contrast to the spirit of the game. Didn't anyone Warner about it? Couldn't they see it Cummin ? Even a Lehmann would have known! They are no longer Lyons. They are sinking in the Marshes. Oh my Josh! They are Shaun of any respect now. There is so much Paine now. Sons of Mitches all of them. An Indian would say, "Kha, Wah, Ja" doobne! Musings of a clever word Smith. |
| 1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me." 2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first..." 3. Torrin Polk,University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings." 4. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." 5. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.." 6. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height..," and, "You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle." 7. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton ..." 8. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes." 9. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is." 10. Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt. 11. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I asked him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'" 12 Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject." 13. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford: "I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious." 14. Former Houston Oilers coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she's too ugly to kiss good-bye." |
| Ian Chappell to Derek Underwood: England slow left-arm bowler Derek Underwood was hit on the hand while batting. Ian Chappell surprised Underwood with his concern. Chappell: How's the hand, which one was it? Underwood: It was my right. Chappell: That's a shame. We were aiming for the left. Ian Botham to Rodney Hogg: As Rodney Hogg bowled to Ian Botham he lost his balance and fell at the England player's feet. Botham: I know you think I'm great Hoggy, but no need to get down on your knees. Glenn McGrath to Michael Atherton: Australia's Glenn McGrath tried out an old Australian classic on England captain Michael Atherton, who fell for it hook, line and sinker. McGrath: Athers, it would help if you got rid of the shit at the end of your bat. Atherton looks at the bottom of his bat. McGrath: No, No, the other end. Merv Hughes to Graham Gooch: Hughes had sent several fast deliveries whistling past Graham Gooch, before dispatching the following verbal knockout punch. Hughes: I'll get you a fucking piano you Pommie poofta. Let's see if you can play that. Dennis Lillee to Mike Gatting: There's no easier target for a joke than an overweight man, as Dennis Lillee proved with the former England captain Mike Gatting. Lillee: Hell, Gatt, move out of the way, I can't see the stumps. Bill Woodfull to Douglas Jardine: In the infamous 'Bodyline' series, prim and proper England captain Douglas Jardine complained to Australian captain Bill Woodfull, having just been sworn at. Jardine: Your slip just swore at me. Woodfull: All right, which one of you bastards called this bastard a bastard? Phil Tufnell to The Umpire: An angry Phil Tufnell took his frustration out on the umpire after his appeal against Dean Jones was turned down. Tufnell: Are you bloody blind? Umpire: I beg your pardon? Tufnell: Are you fucking deaf as well? Michael Atherton to Ian Healey: Michael Atherton had the perfect reply for Ian Healy when accused of cheating. Healey: You're a fucking cheat. Atherton: When in Rome dear boy... Ian Botham to Rodney Marsh: As Ian Botham prepared to bat, Aussie wicket keeper Rodney Marsh decided to put him off and was metaphorically smashed out of the ground. Marsh: So how's your wife and my kids? Botham: The wife's fine - the kids are retarded. Javed Miandad to Merv Hughes: Javed Miandad called Hughes a fat bus conductor during a match. A few balls later, Hughes dismissed Miandad. Hughes: 'Tickets please' as he ran past the departing batsman. Glenn McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan: McGrath: So what does Brian Lara's dick taste like? Sarwan: I don't know. Ask your wife. McGrath: If you ever Fucking mention my wife again, I'll Fucking rip your Fucking throat out. Mike Whitney to Ravi Shastri: Shastri hits the ball towards substitute fielder Mike Whitney and looked for a single. Whitney: If you leave the crease i'll break your fucking head. Shastri: If you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn't be the fucking 12th man. Fred Trueman to Raman Subba Row: Trueman was bowling and induced an edge to first slip but the ball went between Raman Subba Row's legs. The fieldsman apologised. Row: Sorry, Fred. I should've kept my legs together. Trueman: So should your mother. |