Clean SMS

  • My ex-girlfriend just called me to say she wants us to get back together again.

    I have to be the luckiest man in the world. First I win the lottery and now this.

    Man am I a lucky guy ? I mean, first I win the lottery and now this. !!
  • Women always called me ugly until they learned how much money I have.
    After that, they called me ugly and poor.
  • Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

    There's no menu: You get what you deserve.
  • All of my childhood punishments have become my adult goals:
    Eating vegetables, Staying home, Taking a nap, Going to bed early!
  • Research shows that laughing for 2 minutes is just as healthy as a 20-minute jog.

    So, now I'm sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers!
  • Marriage teaches you loyalty, patience, understanding...

    And how to sleep on the edge of the bed!
  • What's the worst thing about having a job at the unemployment office?

    If you get fired, you still have to show up the next day!
  • Police: Why did you call 100?

    Santa: My wife went shopping and hasn't returned.

    Police: That's not an emergency.

    Santa: It is! She had my credit card!
  • Boss: You are late again! Do you know what that means?

    Employee: Yes! It means the traffic is getting worse every day.
  • If you want to get married, marry your own girlfriend...

    Otherwise, your family will find someone else's girlfriend for you!
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