| All of my childhood punishments have become my adult goals: Eating vegetables, Staying home, Taking a nap, Going to bed early! |
| Research shows that laughing for 2 minutes is just as healthy as a 20-minute jog. So, now I'm sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers! |
| Marriage teaches you loyalty, patience, understanding... And how to sleep on the edge of the bed! |
| What's the worst thing about having a job at the unemployment office? If you get fired, you still have to show up the next day! |
| Police: Why did you call 100? Santa: My wife went shopping and hasn't returned. Police: That's not an emergency. Santa: It is! She had my credit card! |
| Boss: You are late again! Do you know what that means? Employee: Yes! It means the traffic is getting worse every day. |
| If you want to get married, marry your own girlfriend... Otherwise, your family will find someone else's girlfriend for you! |
| Boss: We need to have a meeting about your punctuality. Banta: Sure, what time? Boss: How about 10:00 AM? Banta: I might be a few minutes late! |
| Today I learned that the average person consumes 9 alcoholic drinks in a week. Today I also learned that I am above average! |
| A Punjabi was flying Business Class with his wife. Air Hostess asked him: "Sir, would you like to have Tea together?" He replied, "Yes," and turned to his wife and said, "Uth Ja... Ainu Baithen De!" |