| The heaviest burden of life is an Empty Pocket! |
| I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. |
| Most of the shadows in our life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine. |
| When I'm right, no one remembers. When I'm wrong, no one forgets. |
| Life is not complicated, people are. |
| Life is like toilet paper. Either you're on a roll or you're taking shit from some asshole! |
| Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. |
| The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is the fact that it has never tried to contact us. |
| The only disability in life is a bad attitude. |
| Happiness is a warm puppy. |