| WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing with you. |
| No one has ever complained of a parachute not opening. |
| Summer must be over. My neighbour just returned my lawn furniture. |
| The only way to avoid mistakes is to gain experience. The only way to gain experience is to make a mistake. |
| A person who lives in a glass house should change clothes in the basement. |
| A person who smiles in the face of adversity, probably has a scapegoat. |
| Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups. |
| If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark. |
| Weather forecast for tonight: Dark! |
| Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else |