| When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it. |
| Liberalism is trust of the people tempered by prudence. Conservatism is distrust of the people tempered by fear. |
| Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber. |
| Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason. |
| Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against. |
| I think it's about time we voted for senators with breasts. After all, we've been voting for boobs long enough. |
| Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. |
| The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness. |
| Their very conservatism is secondhand, and they don't know what they are conserving. |
| Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so. |