by Subhash K Jha

Stunningly poised, Rekha is perched at a place in her life where very few celebrities have been. Neither age nor rage ever wrinkles her soul. Immaculate and unspoilt....impervious to the blows of mundane irritants, Rekha is arguably Bollywood's most exclusive female icon.

Right now she has been reluctantly dragged into the news for all the wrong reasons. What's the truth about Rekha's cancelled trip to Pakistan?

The devastating diva sighs. "Truth is too strong a word for what happened. I had already informed my dear friends the Khans that I'd be shooting for Goutam Ghose's Yatra and then attending Lataji's function which was a day prior to the premiere in Pakistan.

They said they'd love me to join them in Pakistan. And insisted on getting all the formalities for my travel—visa, passport, etc —in place. I requested them not to announce my inclusion at the premiere until I was sure."

But Rekha being Rekha (in other words unceasingly charitable to the opposite viewpoint) quickly justifies the Khans' premature excitement. "I can understand why they announced my name. I hold no grudges against anyone. Yeh to koi bhi baat nahin hai...baat ka batangad banaya jaa raha hai.

This is a very trivial price one has to pay for being who one is. I love the thought of being loved by people in India as well as Pakistan.

I was very honoured when Akbar called me up and said I was the best ambassador from the film industry he could think of. I'm always delighted to go to any part of the world to be with my fans."

Apparently the gorgeous actress has legions of fans in Pakistan. Along with Amitabh Bachchan, Shah Rukh Khan and Aishwarya Rai, Rekha qualifies as the most wanted Bollywood icon in Pakistan. Her delighted laughter dismisses the claim.

"Not just India or Pakistan I feel the whole world is a part of me. It's not just Indians and NRIs whom I connect with. I welcome an interaction with any and every section of people from that large global community.

My world is an not as oyster but an oasis of love and connectivity. From that point of view, being in Pakistan was important. It's just that I chose to abide by another commitment.

These are non-issues...like brushing your teeth every morning. One doesn't make announcements about such things. Issues, non-issues are all the in the mind. Mano to bhagwan na mano to patthar."

She lights up at the mention of the Pandit Dinanath Mangeshkar Award that kept her away from Pakistan. "I can't describe the experience of getting the award from Lataji. I'm not just her fan. I worship her. When Lata Didi asked me to accept the honour I didn't think twice.

Last year the same award had been given to some very nice people. I thought it was very sweet of her to give it to me. Now it's a huge debt on my head. I don't know how I'll ever repay Didi for this award, and for all the wonderful songs she has sung for me.

She has just completed a fascinating film called Yatra with Goutam Ghose. "Like every experience in my life, Yatra was a beautiful experience. I've the good fortune and the basic intelligence to view all my experiences in a kind light...whether it's my producers, directors, films or the weather ....I always look at them positively and always learn something from them.

Yatra was an exhilarating experience. It was very interesting because I always enjoy things that are out of the ordinary. Goutam Ghose has experienced many shades of life. They're all there in Yatra. The film comes from his heart rather than his imagination.

It's very challenging for an actor to recreate the truth about the writer-director's life. All the actors in Yatra—Nana Patekar, Deepti Naval et al — have something to teach me. I'm a great learner."

Rekha is listening to other scripts. "But I'm not going to sign anything fresh until I'm fully convinced about them. Do I inspire others? I'm glad. Because I inspire myself all the time...Life never ceases to amaze me.

Life makes me feel I'm the luckiest person on this earth. At one time I used to be fascinated by the thought of how this world began... how did the Creator think of making this beautil qaayanat (universe) and who created the Creator?

The searching was endless. Today I've stopped questioning. I've started living. The only way to start enjoying the beauty that surrounds you is to stop questioning and start living life.

One lifetime isn't enough to imbibe and savour all the marvels of Nature. I'm 51. This year I'm going to be 52. I've so much more to do."

51 and Rekha? Sounds incongruous. "Why? " she shoots back. "Are you in denial? I'm not. I've accepted everything in life. My mother taught me to take everything in life from age to criticism with humility. You've to have the confidence to carry your age without self consciousness.

I'm proud even of that wrinkle which appears on my face. It's a symbol of all that life has taught me for years. Aging is so inevitable. All the choices I've made, all the people I've met, all the hurt and all the happiness... they've all carved every contour on my face. And I'm proud of them all."

Such beauty can only mean a life well lived. "Don't be too sure. Besides I don't give that much importance to physical beauty. My looks are only a small part of my personality. Looks are just a reflection of who you are from within. No amount of expensive saris, diamonds and makeup cannot make you look beautiful unless you at peace inside.

Lots of wordly wrongs have happened to me. But I didn't wallow in them and let them effect me in a negative way. Everyday I go through the bad and the good. There's an angel and devil within me. It's up to us to choose who rules our lives."

My last question is about the death of her father (actor Gemini Ganesan). She corrects me. "Again there's no death. Why should I grieve for him when he's so much part of me? Why should I grieve when I'm so grateful for his genes, his teachings, rich life and his sheer existence? Grieve for what??!!

I'm happy I didn't have to share unpleasant moments with him. He existed for me in my imagination. And that's so much more beautiful than reality. Everything I love is unqualified by worldly time constraints. I'm just a small link in the larger scheme of things.

I'm not the first one to go through death, nor am I the first one to receive an award. I'm enjoying everything that comes my way...good bad or ugly. I try to make good use of what life's experiences offer. I think I've done a good job of my life, whatever others may think."