For every human generation to come, Earth will still be roughly 4.5 billion years old. That number won’t need updating for eons.
In 200 years, some stranger will be sleeping in your room, with no clue who you were.
If ghosts kill people and those people become ghosts too, that's basically reproduction.
Maybe all the Billionaires are weirdos, because the desire to collect that much wealth is a sign of mental illness.
A shirtless fat guy looks like he doesn’t care what people think; a shirtless jacked guy looks obsessed with what people think.
An umbrella has exactly two functional modes:
Aggressively refusing to open when it starts pouring, and instantly turning inside out the moment a single gentle breeze hits it.
Monsoon has finally arrived.
Municipal Corporations are once again acting completely surprised.
Not everyone understands football. A fan posted the Brazil vs Croatia score on FB:
3 BRA - 1 CR
I failed my driver's test today.
The instructor asked me, "What do you do at a red light?"
I said, "I usually check my emails and see what people are up to on social media."
I'm great at multitasking - I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once