I specialize in turning simple tasks into complicated missions.
My brain is like a browser with too many tabs open.
Why don't scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
My math teacher called me average.
How mean...
A large number of married people are involuntarily celibate.
I wonder if anyone has ever farted so hard that they got a muscle cramp in their anus.
The more you know, the less you learn.
It's somewhat unfair to Achilles, a great warrior and hero, that he is now best known for his one mortal weakness.
We still call it 'Footage' but we measure it in minutes instead of feet.
I just opened my electricity bill and water bill at the same time.
I was shocked.