What do you call a tea that tastes sometimes like tea and sometimes like coffee ?
Uncertainty!!!
My ex-girlfriend just called me to say she wants us to get back together again.
Man am I a lucky guy ? I mean, first I win the lottery and now this. !!
Women always called me ugly until they learned how much money I have.
After that, they called me ugly and poor.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There's no menu: You get what you deserve.
All of my childhood punishments have become my adult goals:
Eating vegetables, Staying home, Taking a nap, Going to bed early!
Research shows that laughing for 2 minutes is just as healthy as a 20-minute jog.
So, now I'm sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers!
Marriage teaches you loyalty, patience, understanding...
And how to sleep on the edge of the bed!
What's the worst thing about having a job at the unemployment office?
If you get fired, you still have to show up the next day!
Police: Why did you call 100?
Santa: My wife went shopping and hasn't returned.
Police: That's not an emergency.
Santa: It is! She had my credit card!
Boss: You are late again! Do you know what that means?
Employee: Yes! It means the traffic is getting worse every day.