I failed my driver's test today.
The instructor asked me, "What do you do at a red light?"
I said, "I usually check my emails and see what people are up to on social media."
I'm great at multitasking - I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once
Man: Why do we get a hangover after drinking?
Monk: When you play with spirits, they come back to haunt you the next day!
The Indian education system has completely evolved.
Once upon a time, a student just prepared for an exam.
Today, a student prepares for the exam, then prepares for the inevitable re-exam, and then emotionally prepares for the final Supreme Court hearing!
My laptop battery has officially developed a better work-life balance than I have; when it hits 1%, it simply shuts down and refuses to compromise.
Alcohol doesn't solve problems.
It just makes me confident enough to face them.
My password is 'incorrect' — so if I forget, the computer reminds me.
I specialize in turning simple tasks into complicated missions.
My brain is like a browser with too many tabs open.
Why don't scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!