/> "I'm shattered. I cannot accept her going away. As I talk to you I haven't come to terms with her not being alive. She was strong and vivacious ....That something so ghastly could happen....It's just so horrible. ... To say anything about what has happened would be belittling the enormity of the tragedy....

Just five days ago I found the most affectionate email messages from her. After the tragedy last night my Rendezvous crew messaged me to say they remembered how I interviewed her in Dubai....

The Benazir I knew was not just a superb states-woman and politician, she was a personal friend. The minute we met for our Rendezvous we bonded as though we had known each other all our lives. We spoke about girlie things over so many sessions that began with her appearance on Rendezvous ...

I remember she had walked into the room where we were setting up equipment for the Rendezvous. She came in without a dot of mnakeup, her hair in a simple knot.

She came in saw how we had moved around everything in her home in Dubai. She exclaimed, 'Oh my God! What have you done to my room!' My crew was smitten instantly. They found her so beautiful. Then she came down for the interview. We just bonded and it lasted far beyond the Rendezvous.

I felt she was a friend I knew from school. And the one really vivid memory I have of that Rendezvous was the tea she served after the interview. She not only cut the cake and served the tea herself, she gave it personally to every member of my team.

This was Benazir! I never felt I was sitting with a former and future prime minister. I felt I was bonding with a female friend...Yes, I felt the same with Jayalalitha. But not to this extent. Benazir and I giggled and giggled.

Later she told mutual Pakistani friends how much she enjoyed meeting me. After the Rendezvous she said we must meet again in London.We used to spend a lot of time in London over dinners and lunches.

Benazir, her sister Sanam, my sister Amrita and I had a sisters' lunch in London. ...I don't know whether Benazir and her sister were as close as I am to my sister...But Benazir kept us entertained throughout that afternoon. She had seen my documentary on Rajiv Gandhi.

She was very very curious about him. She wanted to know little-little details about him. And we talked about make-up. Benazir thought her makeup was terrible and she wanted tips from me...We spoke about everything from politics to astrology to the media...We spoke about so much so fast!

We met many times...She could never stop laughing about how I tried to make her pose for the opening titles of the Rendezvous. She kept on saying, 'What on earth were you making me do?' She'd go into uncontrollable peals of laughter. That infectious laughter still rings in my ears.

I still have her lovely letter saying how much she loved the show. We discussed her politics constantly. I remember once she asked me if it would be a good idea to do another show on television. I advised her against it.

And she listened to me. A friend in India had asked her to attend an event. She wrote a lovely letter begging off. Quite recently Benazir was in Delhi I was supposed to meet her but couldn't. I sent her flowers to her hotel which she never got. Ah, those memories !

My heart reaches out to her children specially the younger daughter who's about 14 and needs her mother. What an adorable girl. I remember Benazir being certain she'd be back as the prime minister. How was she to know death would be a much larger certainty?"