Life can be incredibly tough for an outsider who comes to tinsel town with hopes of making it big in Bollywood. It's been especially hard for Himanshu Malik, a Delhi boy who got noticed in "Tum Bin".

He was cast in Govind Menon's "Khwahish" where he indulged in those 16 (or 17) smooches with Mallika Sherawat. But Himanshu does not have pleasant memories of the film. In fact, he looks back with rancour.

"Working with Mallika wasn't easy. I can't go into the reasons, but she made things difficult for me all through. Today I've two releases with Meghna Naidu. But she was a far more comfortable co-star, easy to work with and a decent girl."

Asked if her reputation as the cheese-queen preceded her, Himanshu replied: "Why judge her by her past work? Meghna is in both my on-release films, 'Jackpot' and 'Rain'. But that doesn't make the films sleazy or cheesy."

Hailing from an army officer's family, Himanshu is trying hard to fight off the cheesy image that has been thrust on him post-'Khwahish'. He cringes at the male centre-spread reputation.

"I've a good body... make that a great body. And I don't mind being a fantasy figure for both females and gay men. But I don't want to be known as a male... you-know-who."

Himanshu chuckles without mirth. "Life's been tough. If you are good looking and you've a good body, you're looked on as someone who can easily compromise. I'm glad I never got a role by playing dirty. I'm proud of both my films that are up for release."

Though he bagged a role in J.P. Dutta's prestigious "LOC" after "Khwahish" and Pooja Bhatt's "Rog", Himanshu's career nose-dived. So the need arose to do anything that came his way.

"Better two films with Meghna Naidu than none at all. In Samit L. Baatkar's 'Jackpot' I play a wheeler-dealer, a conman if you please. In Amol Shetge's 'Rain' I'm cast as a psycho. At least, I'm getting to act. And I'm being versatile."

Does he get to smooch Naidu as frequently in these films as he did Sherawat in "Khwahish"?

"Well...both the films have smooching scenes. But that's about it. There's certainly no skin show. Yeah, I did strip in 'Khwahish'. But that was a desperate move to get noticed. Today I'd rather not do any work than take off my clothes on screen for no reason."

Himanshu, representing the dilemma of scores of fringe players in Bollywood, is in a state of suspended anguish. "I know I'm not doing the kind of work I came here to do. But what to do? I can't wait for Karan Johar or Sanjay Leela Bhansali to find me. Yet I can't do the sleazy stuff. But I've to do something."

Himanshu married his live-in girlfriend, Komal, six months ago.

"I'm much calmer today. I'm over my days of wild parties and womanising. Today I need a woman to come back to. The best thing about Komal is that she's not a part of the film industry.

"After a day of looking for work, getting all kinds of strange offers and feeling dirty, I can come home to a woman who loves me and makes me feel whole, healed and healthy. Marriage is very important for survival in showbiz."

What next? "Well...I'm waiting for the release of my two back-to-back films. Hopefully 'Rain', which opens this week, will hit the jackpot.

After that? Another film to be directed by the "Jackpot" director and shot entirely in Britain. No, it won't have Meghna and certainly not Mallika. "Hopefully the next 'M' in my life will be 'magic'."