by Subhash K Jha

I've seen her go through acute pain. Aishwarya—or Ash, as friends insist on calling her—was in a bad relationship when I first met her.

It was during the making of Devdas, and the man in her life would insist on barging into her schedules whenever he felt like. He was making his presence felt in the most embarrassing and sadistic ways.

"It was like my breath was being choked out of my body all the time," she later confessed in an unguarded moment.

Whenever Aishwarya speaks about 'that' part of her life she grows cold, like a cloud dimming the brightness of the sun.

The lady was traumatized. But she never allowed it to show in her performance or public conduct. I remember her on the set of Devdas, dancing with Madhuri Dixit to the sound of Dola re... While Ms Dixit sat hoitily in a corner after every shot, Ash would rush to the monitor jump, squeal, dance and huddle playfully with the director to see the end-results.

And people said she was insensitive. "But they must understand my pain is not for anyone to sympathize or share it. What I went through was my own... will remain my own. If my infamous giggle offended people they've to understand it's my defence mechanism. I cannot and will not express my personal pain in public."

That was Ash at her mellowest.

She couldn't have chosen a better time to play the part of the brutalized battered wife in Jahmohan Mundhra's Provoked. I think this lady of satin-and-steel has gone through a helluva lot. It may not show in her immediate screen presence. But the pain has been tapped with considerable acumen in Rituparno Ghosh's Raincoat.

Provoked will take Aishwarya further away from the will-o-the--wisp image of the fragile porcelain beauty. I've seen how determinedly she has fought back the adversities in her life.

Friends and colleagues of a certain Mr Khan called her a tease and a provocoteur for the flirty way she brushed of the welters and bruises. Fact is, this lady has been through hell, and has emerged a far more substantial woman. Today Ash is in a far more calm and comforting relationship.

Vivek Oberoi makes her feel like a lady. She loves the kindness and the chivalry, the little-little thoughtful gestures he showers on her... They were denied to her. Today she loves those things that make her feel like a true woman... like a child attending school and touching the alphabet to her lips for the first time. She loves Vivek's passion for propriety. Because she's a blossoming ideologue herself.

In all the time that I've known her I've never seen Aishwarya bitch about anyone, not even those who have caused immense bodily and emotional grief. Even when she speaks about the nightamrish experiences of love gone awry, she does so like Barkha Dutta reporting the firing from Kargil.

The savagery is just there. No drama . No theatrics. Though people think otherwise Ash is one of the least affected and coquettish actresses I know. Talk abut her beauty embarrasses her. After all these years she still doesn't know how to handle compliments on her looks.

"I don't know," she once giggled as we sat in the cosy corner-room of her stunningly well-appointed home. "Maybe there're classes where you learn to handle beauty compliments."

...And then that appealing peal of laughter...like pearls scattering from a broken bead.

I never want that infectious giggle to subside. I want this woman of substance to be happy and successful. Because she has earned both.

Let's giggle to that.