Sharmila Tagore has never been out of the news despite her long absence from filmdom till recently. Debuting with a Satyajit Ray film she still retains that extra aura making her a woman of substance, says TWF correspondent Shoma A. Chatterji after meeting her in Kolkata recently.

Exquisite elegance personified several times over. That is how one would describe Sharmila Tagore. The beauty of Kashmir ki Kali has mellowed into one of the most dignified women in the country today. Gone is the young lady who, after a dream debut in Satyajit Ray's Apur Sansar as a child bride, did a volte face by posing in a two-piece bikini for a magazine cover at a time when it was nothing short of blasphemy.

A graceful grandmother, mother to three successful children, wife to an international celebrity, she wears several hats in addition to the occasional character role in films as polarised as Shubho Muhurat (Bengali) and Viruddh.

Looking back, she says, "I realise I was very different from other actresses of my time. My behaviour was grossly misinterpreted. I felt I was making mistakes all the time. I'd wear clothes that were not suitable. Everybody would be wearing a sari and I'd turn up in jeans. I was also accused of being snooty and arrogant, which I was not. I didn't know that one was expected to lead a certain lifestyle."

This, however, is not borne out by fact. The style statements she made with her distinctive bouffant hair-do or stiffly bobbed wig with stand-out curls at the edge, the deep-necked choli seductively knotted at the centre, thick, black false eyelashes, were the rage of college girls across the country in the 1960s.

This changed when she stepped into another phase of her career with Aradhana. Despite her long years in Mumbai where she reigned the marquee for more than a decade, followed by her stay in Delhi after marriage to Mansur Ali Khan Pataudi, Sharmila says, "I am proud to be a Bengali and to have spent considerable time in Kolkata which occupies a special place in my heart."

"One must concede that Kolkata has an edge over the rest of the country with three Nobel Laureates, an Oscar winner and talents in other fields having carved a niche on the world map. I'm very happy to be a part of the Bengali film industry once more," obviously referring to her roles in Gautam Ghose's Abar Aranye and Rituparno Ghose's Shubho Muhurat.

She is no mean award winner either. She won the Best Actress Award from the Filmfare magazine for her performance in Shakti Samanta's Aradhana, the National Award for her brilliant dual role of a mother and her prostitute daughter in Gulzar's Mausam, apart from Lifetime Achievement Awards from Filmfare and the BFJA.

With her dimples still intact, Sharmila holds her work in the five films of Satyajit Ray very close to her heart. "My first two films with Ray were shot during my holidays. My career in films began as a blend of chance and pressure, with a generous dose of curiosity thrown in," she says.

Sharmila goes into nostalgia mode as she talks about her first day in front of the camera. "Manik-da, (as we all called Ray), decided to begin my shooting for Apur Sansar with the scene that shows me stepping into my husband's small apology of a flat as his bride. I was only 14 years old at the time. He gave me very specific instructions like - 'one step ahead, two to the right, then three towards the window, stop.' I had never faced a movie camera before. I did exactly as I was told and Manik-da seemed to be okay with the shot."

She adds, "Somewhere along the way, there was a kind of blurring of lines between Aparna, the character I was playing, and Sharmila, the real me. Just as Aparna, the newly wed bride was crossing the threshold of her husband's house, I was stepping in front of the camera for the first time in my life. It was like entering a completely new world. It was a turning point but I was too young to realize it."

Talking about her role in Ray's Debi where an ordinary housewife is worshipped as a goddess incarnate by her devout father-in-law, she says, "It's perhaps the most complex woman character in Indian cinema. Can you imagine the sheer helplessness, the total vulnerability of the child-woman who had absolutely no control over her life? As I played Doyamoyee, I often felt disturbed by what was happening to the girl."

"I'll never forget one scene where her nephew by marriage, a little boy she was very close to during her 'normal' phase, was scared even to step into her room because she was supposed to be a goddess now. Then there's the classic scene when she's afraid of running away to freedom with her husband because by then, she is a bundle of confusion who doesn't know whether she is really a goddess or a normal woman. She refuses to go with him, and in so doing, unknowingly takes the first, last and only decision in her life."

By the time she was called up by Ray to do the journalist's role in Nayak, Sharmila was already an established Bollywood star.

"I had to strip myself completely of my Hindi film image to do the role of Aditi. I was told that I would have to wear glasses to make me look serious and more like a journalist. When I asked Manik-da, 'long-sight or short-sight?' he appeared a bit taken aback but smiled back at me with amusement."

"Much though I hate to say this, I must admit that Uttam Kumar was able to realise only about 70 per cent of what Manik-da showed him for that scene where he leans out of the door of the moving train and keeps staring at the tracks, perhaps contemplating suicide. Manik-da was the greatest; he still is."

She is quite happy with the way her children's careers are shaping up. "My three children are into vocations of their choice. I chose not to interfere though I'm there when they wish for guidance. Saif is not only proving his versatility but has also won the National Award. Soha's decision to quit her job to join films took me by surprise but it seems to have been a good one."

"I'd like her to do roles different from the ones I did. But she thinks otherwise. She wants to do roles like the ones I did in Mausam, Aradhana, Amar Prem and so on. She needed guidance for her debut film Iti Srikanto because it was in Bengali and based on a Bengali classic. I did guide her. But that's about it. We've brought up our children to be independent and I am happy to state that they are independent," she sums up.