| An absent-minded husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife's birthday and their anniversary. He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, Your loving husband. His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until next year, on their anniversary, when he came home, kissed his wife and said off-handedly, "Nice flowers, honey. Where'd you get them?" |
| Doctors are used to getting calls at any hour. One night a man phoned his doctor, waking him up. "I'm really sorry to bother you so late," he said, "but I think my wife has appendicitis." Still half asleep, the doctor reminded him that he had removed hs wife's inflamed appendix a couple of years before. "Whoever heard of a second appendix?" the doctor asked. "You may not have heard of a second appendix, doc," the man replied, "but surely you've heard of a second wife!" |
| Bernie had a fight with Rachel, his wife, and went to the movies to cool off. Later that evening, he decided to phone home to see what the situation was and maybe even apologize. "Hello, darling," he said, "what are you making for dinner?" "What am I making for dinner? After all the horrible things you said to me earlier, you want to know what I am making for dinner?? Poison, that's what I'm making, poison." Bernie replies, "Okay then, just make one portion, I'm not coming home." |
| During a training session at an artillery unit the sergeant-major was busy describing how the sophisticated aiming device of the artillery weapon system is used. "As you all know, there are 180 degrees in a circle." One of the soldiers put up his hand and said: "But there are 360 degrees in a circle, sergeant-major." "You idiot," replied the sergeant-major, "I am obviously speaking about a small circle!" |