| Nelson Mandela is at home watching the box, when there is a knock at his door. He gets up and answers it, there is a Chinese bloke with clipboard, and behind him is a lorry full of exhaust pipes. "You sign, you sign," yells the Chinese. Nelson looks at the truck and tells the Chinese bloke that he has got the wrong bloke. Next day Nelson is watching a film when there is a knock on his door. It's the same Chinese bloke and behind him is truck full of brake parts. "You Sign, You Sign," screams the Chinese bloke and pushes the clipboard under Nelson's nose. "Look you Twat,” snarls Nelson "You've got the wrong bloke. I don't want brake parts, you've got the wrong bloke again." Next day Nelson is sitting in the chair reading a magazine, when there is a knock on the door. It's the Chinese bloke again, behind him are two trucks filled with engine parts. The Chinese bloke screams at Nelson, "You sign, you sign." Well that's it Nelson loses his wig and picks the Chinese bloke up by his shirt and yells, "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong man! Who do you want to give these to?" The Chinese bloke looks at his clipboard and says, "You not Nissan Maindealer?" |
| The Pakistani President, Gen Pervez Musharraf, is visiting his friend, U.S. President George Bush, in Washington, DC. The U.S. President offers a gift to his guest. "Here you go, Mush" says Bush. "Try out this shiny new Cadillac. It's their finest model." "Thank you, Mr. President, but I cannot accept this magnificent gift," replies the Musharraf. "Oh. I understand about gift limits. I understand the problems you are having in Pakistan with your non-profit associations. Ok then ... give me a half dollar for it. Then it won't be a gift," replies Bush. Musharraf gives Bush a dollar. "I don't have any change ... too bad," says the President. "No big deal... you'll just give me two Cadillacs" retorts Musharraf. |
| A squad of American soldiers was patrolling the Iraqi border, when they came across a badly mangled dead body. As they got closer, they found it was an Iraqi soldier. A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, struggling to breathe. They ran to him, cradled his bruised head and asked him what had happened. "Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth when I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, 'Saddam Hussein is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash!' He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, 'George W. Bush is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash too!' We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us." |
| The story is told of a day when Queen Elizabeth had the Duke of Edinburgh over for a cup of tea. The conversation turned equestrian and the Queen was telling the Duke about her new prize horse. After a spell of ranting and raving over this horse the Duke said, "Well, then, let's see this fine animal!" So the Queen and the Duke went over to the stables to admire the horse. At one point the Queen walked around the horse, just as it let out an earth trembling belch, with a smell that.... The Queen turned a bit red and said, "Oh, I am terribly sorry about that!" "Oh, that's quite alright," the Duke replied, "I had thought it was the horse!" |