| George W Bush wanted a special postage stamp issued, with his picture on it. He so instructed his Postmaster General,
stressing that it should be of international quality. The stamps were duly released of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamps were not sticking properly, and become furious. He called the chief of the Secret Service and ordered him to investigate the matter. The chief checked the matter out at several post offices, and then reported on the problem to Bush. He said, "Sir, the stamp is really of international quality. The problem is, our citizens are spitting on the wrong side!" |
| Adolf Hitler was conducting a General Staff meeting, when somebody sneezed. "Who was that!?" shouted Hitler, whirling around from a wall map of Europe. Nobody said anything. "I see," he said, "I will have 10 of you shot. And maybe then you will tell me who sneezed?" A Gestapo agent took 10 people out of the room. Shots were heard, then silence. "I will ask again," yelled Hitler, "who sneezed?" Again, nobody said anything. "Very vell," he said, "I will have another 10 of you shot!" The Gestapo agent escorted 10 more people out of the room and executed them. "For the very last time," screamed Hitler, "Who sneezed?" Finally the guilty officer could stand no more. He stood up and said, "It was me, my Führer. I am the one who sneezed." Hitler slowly approached the shaking officer and said, "Bless you." |
| Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly. Bill told his driver to go up to the farm house and explain to the owners what had happened. About 1 hour later Bill sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn. "What happened to you?", asked Bill. "Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the Cigar and his 19 year old daughter made mad passionate love to me," said the driver. "My God, what did you tell them?", asks Clinton. The driver replies, "I`m Bill Clinton`s driver, and I just killed the pig." |
| A lady bought a new $100,000 Mercedes and proudly drove it off the showroom floor to take home. Halfway home, she attempted to change radio stations and saw that there appeared to be only one station. She immediately turned around and headed back to the dealer. Once at the dealer, she found her salesman and began to excitedly explain that her radio was not working, and they must replace it since she only had one radio station. The salesman calmed her down and told her that her car radio was voice-activated, and that she would only need to state aloud the type of music that she wanted and the car would find it. She got into the car and started the engine and then said the word "country," and the radio changed to a station playing a George Strait song. She was satisfied and started home. After a while she decided to try out the radio and said "rock `n` roll;" the radio station changed and a song by the Rolling Stones came from the speakers. Quite pleased, the woman continued driving. A few blocks from her house, another driver ran a light causing her to slam on her brakes to avoid a collision. The woman angrily exclaimed, "Asshole!" ...The radio cut over to George Bush`s press conference. |