Mature Jokes


Pissed off !

Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, `I`m so pissed off!` `Oh yeah? What happened?` asked the bartender politely.
`See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back home, and we stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when...

Bad Taste !!!

A young man walked up and sat down at the bar. 'What can I get you?' the bartender inquired. 'I want 6 shots of Jagermeister,' responded the young man. '6 shots?!? Are you...

Don`t hit me !!

A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator. The bartender stops him and says 'Hold on a second here - you can`t bring that animal in here, they aren`t allowed!' So the man says, 'But my gator here does a really cool trick.' The bartender says...

Stronger !!

Two old drunks in a bar. The first one says, 'Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn`t bend it with either of my hands. By the time I was...

Plastic surgery ??

A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, 'Hey, you don`t need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery.' The lady asks...

Shot Glass !!

A man walks up to the bartender and says, 'Y`see that cup over there? I`ll bet $100 that I can piss in it from here!' The bartender readily agrees, because...

A Man`s Dog

A man walks into a bar with his dog and orders two glasses of whiskey. He proposes a toast and both he and his dog empty their glasses. The girl behind the bar is surprised and asks: `Can your dog perform....

Two buddies

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, 'I don`t know what else to do, whenever I go home after we`ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway, shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed...

The smart Alec!

Joan, the town gossip and supervisor of the town`s morals, publicly accused her neighbor George of being an alcoholic because she saw his pickup truck parked outside the town`s only bar.
George stared at her for...

Another wish!

A guy goes to a bar & finds a 12 inch pianist on the piano He is surprised & asks the bartender ..
'How come this guy who is 12 inch is here ? the bartender replies : I have a lamp form which a genie will appear...