Mature Jokes

A married couple at a Zoo walks past a gorilla enclosure. Says the woman, "Mark, do you know that gorillas are the only animals which resemble men in their behaviour...

A man is back from the US-Iraq war and is with his wife for the first night in the year she says to him, "Honey do you wanna do something?"
"No," he replies and they...

Danny discovers his wife is cheating with another guy, so he goes to the guy`s wife and tells her about it.

The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, "I`ve got some bad news. You have cancer, and you`d best put your affairs in order."
The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself...

Maurice and Hetty were approaching their Golden wedding anniversary. One summer evening, as they were taking a slow walk in their local park...

With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband, "Have you ever seen Pound 20 all crumpled up?"
"No," said her husband.
She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons...

There`s an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I`ll quit!"
Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word...

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 AM.
Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed...

On News Year`s Eve, a thin and bony husband is walking around in the house wearing only his boxers.
His wife comes out of the kitchen and says...

There was a lady and she really wanted to have sex, but she was to scared to ask her husband so she went to a gipsy and told her her problem. The gipsy rummaged around in a chest and pulled out a pickle jar with a penis...