Mature Jokes

Old farmer comes running across field screaming. Farmers wife was at kitchen window wondering what the hell was going on.
He rushes in house and says 'Susan get in bed, I got a hard...

Men are like.....Placemats. They only show up when there`s food on the table.
Men are like.....Mascara. They usually run at the...

'Daddy, are you scared of the dark?'
'No son, who told you I was frightened...

A man and a woman were married for 40 years. When they first got married the man said, 'I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it'.
In all their 40 years of marriage the woman...

A guy in a mask bursts into a sperm bank with a shotgun.
'Open the goddamn safe,' he yells at the girl behind the counter.
'But we`re not a real bank,' she replies. 'We don`t...

A girl who was appearing in B.Ed. got married. The result of B.Ed. was declared when she was at her in-law`s.

A young hillbilly couple gets married and heads up to the cabin on top of the hill for their honeymoon.
About an hour later, the groom comes down the hill alone and...

A fellow that was talking to his buddy and said, 'I don t know what to get for my wife`s birthday. She has everything, and besides she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I am stumped.'
His buddy said, 'I have an idea...

The newly-married daughter-in-law demurely told her mother-in-law, 'Mum! I want to know about the customs here.'
The mother-in-law said, 'Yes Yes, go ahead!'
'How many months after marriage are babies...

This couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside on a fine Sunday afternoon, & are watching the auctioning off of bulls.
The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off: 'A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times