| A doctor drives by a small town. He stops at a gas station & notices there is no one there. A little kid passes by & tells him the gas station is closed because everyone is a the funeral of the owner's daughter. Since he was out of gas, he decided to stay for the night & goes to the funeral When he gets there he goes in & looks at the open casket & notices that something is wrong. He calls the father, "Sir, I'm a doctor & I can assure you she is not dead, she is in a catatonic sleep." "What do we do now?" asks the father. "Does she have a boyfriend?", asks the doctor. "Yes," replies the father. "Take her to a room & have the boyfriend have sex with her." They do as the doctor said & sure enough, she wakes up. Everybody was happy & the doctor leaves once he fills up his gas tank. A few months go by & the doctor returns to the same gas station. The same kid greets him again, "Doctor, it is so great to see you again. About a week ago Mrs. Edward died. Half of the town has screwed her already but she is just not waking up." |
| It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and the young nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray. The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone. "Oh, sister," said the young nun dreamily, "I've been Saved." "Saved? And how did that come about?" asked the old nun. "Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven." "Did he?" said the old nun curiously. Sister Magdalene continued, "And Father John said that if The Key to Heaven fits my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured salvation and eternal peace. And then, Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock." "Is that a fact?" said the old nun even more curiously. "At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my Heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved." "That wicked old bastard" said the old nun. "He told me it was Gabriel's Horn and I've been blowing it for 40 years." |
| The pick-up couple was relaxing after a satisfying session of lovemaking. The guy considered himself lucky to have been able to attract and bed such a luscious looking dish. He was even considering trying to establish a relationship instead of just a one-night stand. But he couldn't help but to think that he had met her before. "I can't help feeling that we've met before." he said. "Yeah, I know," sighed the girl stretching. "It happens to me a lot. I think they call this 'de ja screw.'" |
| A man standing at a urinal notices that he's being watched by a midget. "Wow," comments the midget. "Those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!" Surprised and flattered, the man thanks the midget and continues to pee. Suddenly, the midget pulls up a step ladder right next to the urinal and says, "Listen, I know this is a rather strange request, but as they're so admirable, I wonder if I could take a closer look." Again the man is rather startled, but sees no real harm in it. Just then, the midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's balls, and says, "OK, hand me your wallet, or I'll jump off the ladder!" |