| A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and taken it to their room, where much to the groom`s annoyance, the bird kept up a running commentary on their love making. Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if he didn`t quit it. The next morning, packing to return home, the couple couldn`t close a large suitcase. The groom said, "Darling, you get on top and I`ll try." That didn`t work. Figuring they needed more weight on the lid, she said, "Sweetheart, you get on top and I`ll try." Still no success. So, he said, "Look. Let`s both get on top." At that point the parrot pulled away the towel with his beak and said: "Zoo or no zoo. I just gotta see this." |
| A family of whales was swimming around on a nice day. Suddenly a boat with harpooners came and killed the baby whale. A few years went by and the same boat came around again. When the father whale saw it, he said that they should pay those bastards back for killing their son. He turned to the wife and said, "Lets go under the boat and blow as hard as we can then tip the boat over." The wife agreed, so they went under the boat and blew as hard as they could and tipped the boat over. They went back to the top and saw all of the men swimming to rafts and grabbing life jackets. The dad whale says, "We didn`t do enough to them to pay them back, lets go eat some of them now." The wife said, "Now hold on a minute I agreed to the blow job but I`m not going to swallow any sea men." |
| Once there was this city boy who wanted to go country, so he headed out to a farm to buy some animals. "I`ll take one of these," he said to the farmer. "What is it?" Well, to me it`s a cock, but to you it`s a rooster," said the farmer. "I`ll take one of these, too," said the city boy. "What is it?" "Well, to me it`s a pullet, but to you it`s a chicken," replied the farmer. "Okay," said the city boy. "And I`ll take one of those, too, if you`ll tell me what it is." "To me it`s an ass, but to you it`s a mule," explained the farmer, "and when that ass gets stubborn, it sits down and you have to scratch its belly to get it moving again." So the city boy set off down the road with all his new purchases. He was doing fine till a pretty girl drove by, at which point the ass sat down and refused to budge. Seeing he as having some trouble, the girl backed up and asked if there was anything she could do to help. "Actually, yes," said the city boy. "Will you hold my cock and pullet while I scratch my ass?" |
| A little girl asks her mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Her mom says, "No, because the dog is in heat." "What`s that mean?" asks the child. "Go ask your father. I think he`s in the garage." The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, can I take Susie for a walk around the block. I asked mom but she said the dog was in heat and that I should ask you." Her dad says, "Bring Susie over here." He takes a rag, soaks it with gasoline, and scrubs the dog`s behind with it and says, "OK, you can go now, but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block. The little girl leaves and returns a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Her dad says, "Where`s Susie?" The little girl replies, "Susie ran out of gas about halfway down the block, and there`s another dog pushing her home." |