| Two gays are driving down the street when they see a dog on the side of the road licking his prick. "I sure wish I could do that," said the one gay. To which the other replied, "Don`t you think you ought to pet him first??" |
| A farmer buys several sheeps, hoping to breed them. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheeps are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help.The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination.
The farmer doesn`t have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, he only asks the vet how he will know when the sheeps are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will, instead, lay down and wallow in the mud when they are pregnant. The farmer hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means HE has to impregnate the sheeps. So he loads the sheeps into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all. Then he brings them back and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheeps. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn`t take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, does each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes to find the sheeps still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself,and proceeds to load them up and drives them out to the woods. He spends all day with the sheeps and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed. The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheeps. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheeps are laying in the mud. "No," she says, "they`re all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn." |
| A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa and goes to live with a tribe. He spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write and the good Christian ways of the white man. One thing he particularly stresses is the evils of sexual sin. Thou must not commit adultery or fornication! One day the wife of one of the Tribe`s noblemen, gives birth to a white baby. The village is shocked and the chief is sent by his people to talk with the missionary. "You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman gives birth to a white child. You are the only white man who has ever set foot in our village. Even Stevie Wonder could see what`s been going on!" The missionary replies: "No, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence - what is called an albino. Look to thy yonder field. See a field of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one black one. Nature does this on occasion." The chief pauses for a moment then says, "Tell you what, you don`t say anything about the sheep, I won`t say anything about the white baby." |
| For years the old rooster had ruled the farm, but lately things weren`t quite right. Fewer chicks were being born and so the farmer decided the bird was past its best and bought a new young strapping rooster to replace him. The old rooster was mad at this newcomers introduction and was determined not to give up without a fight. He challenged the young rooster to a 3-lap race of the yard. "Ok, you`re on!" said the youngster. "I can outrun you any day of the week." "If you`re so confident," replied the old timer, "you won`t mind giving me a head start." "Fair enough, you can have a half-lap start. But I`ll still beat you." The race began with the old rooster being hotly pursued by the younger rival. On hearing all the commotion, the farmer rushed into the barn and on seeing the roosters, picked up his shotgun and shot the young bird dead. "Damn it," groaned the farmer, "that`s the third gay rooster I`ve bought this month..." |