| Two drunk blondes are stumbling home one night. One of the girls has to take a pee, so she walks over to the bushes and stumbles off into a field. After quite sometime the second blonde that was waiting, goes looking for the other girl. She finds her with a horse giving him a handjob. When she asked her what she was doing, she replied, "Hang on I think I might be able to get us a ride home." |
| Mary: So somehow we started talking about doctors and hospitals and surgeries, and I told him about my breast surgery. Jill: And then? Mary: Well, naturally, he asked, 'Could I just SEE 'em?' Jill: And you told him no, I hope. Mary: Yeah, I said, No, 'just see 'em' becomes 'just touch 'em, 'and 'just touch 'em' becomes 'just kiss 'em,' and 'just kiss 'em' becomes 'just suck 'em.' and..." Jill: And what? Mary: And I asked, Wanna see 'em in the bedroom? |
| Carol, being the type shopper to "only buy-on-sale items," beckoned to a salesman in Bergdorf Goodman's. She pointed to a white wool designer dress on a mannequin, and said, "Hey Sonny boy, so how much is the dress on that store dummy over there?" "That dress is $899.95, Madam," sneered the rather snotty salesman. "Oh! For $99.95, I could get the same dress at S. Klein's downtown!" "But Madam," said the salesman, "You'll find that the dress at Klein's is recycled wool. This original is 100% pure virgin wool." And Carol replied, "So! For $800, I should be caring what the lambs do at night?" |
| One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works. "I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers license?" "What's a license?" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump. "It's usually in your wallet," replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it. "Now may I see your registration?" asked the cop. "Registration... what's that?" asked the blonde. "It's usually in your glove compartment," said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration. "I'll be back in a minute." said the cop and walked back to his car. The officer called in to the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back, "Ummm... is this woman driving a red sports car?" "Yes." replied the officer. "Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher. "Uh..... yes." replied the cop. "Here's what you do," said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants." "What? I can't do that. It's.... inappropriate." exclaimed the cop. "Trust me. Just do it." said the dispatcher. So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said. The blonde looks down and sighs, "Ohh noo.... not another breathalyzer..." |