| A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman Dave to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. Dave thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again." David the milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No, just up to my tits. I can just splash it on my eyes." |
| DEAR DIARY: DAY 1 All packed for the cruise ship - all my sexiest dresses and make-up. Really excited. DEAR DIARY: DAY 2 Entire day at sea, beautiful and saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today - seems a very nice man. DEAR DIARY: DAY 3 At the pool today. Also some shuffle boarding and hit golf balls off the deck. Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive. DEAR DIARY: DAY 4 Won $800.00 in the ship's casino. Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin. Had a luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night but I declined. Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband. DEAR DIARY: DAY 5 Pool again today, got sun burnt, and went inside to drink at piano bar for rest of day. Captain saw me, bought me several large drinks. Really is charming. Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night. Again I declined. He told me if I did not let him have his way with me he would sink the ship. I was shocked. DEAR DIARY: DAY 6 Today I saved 1,600 lives. Twice. |
| A woman phones her blonde neighbor and says, "Close your curtains the next time you and your husband are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday." To which the blonde replies, "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday." |
| The petite young blonde was being interviewed for a rather high-level executive position in the advertising agency. Finally, the interviewer concluded with, "I like your style Miss Benson. I think you'll do just fine. All we ask is that you put out." "Errr, uhh, err, sir." she said, somewhat taken aback. "Are you referring to work or sex?" "Well, 'lil lady," he replied, "around here, if you don't do one, you had better be doing the other." |