| Donald Trump and Barack Obama ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn nasty. As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel." The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife, Michelle, doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like." |
| Joel Garner, Cricket legendary fast bowler from West Indies, is 6 feet 8 inches tall. In his playing years, his height was a big attraction. Once at a dinner in Australia, he was approached by two ladies, who asked, "You are so tall, with long arms and limbs. We are dying to know whether everything else is in proportion to your height." Sportingly, Garner replied, "If I were built in proportion, I would be 9 feet tall." |
| Bill Clinton, when he was the President of the USA, was assigned a new intern named Sally. Being the polite gentleman he is, Bill asked, "Have you seen the Presidential clock yet?" Sally replied, "I haven't even heard of the presidential clock!" Bill then replied, "Well.... let's go to my office, so I can show it to you." Sally was a little taken aback and stated, "With all the problems you've had lately, I don't think we should." Then Bill said, "Ah, it's just a clock.... and I promise I won't try anything." Sally then agrees to go with him. Bill leads her to the Oval Office, shuts and locks the door behind them.... and then drops his pants to the floor. Sally is flabbergasted and says, "Mr. President, that is the Presidential Cock, not the Presidential Clock!" Bill looks at her and says, "Sally, by my definition, if you put two hands and a face on it, it's a Clock." |
| This is an extract from Hillary Clinton's soon to be released autobiography, 'The Truth Will Always Prevail'. When we visited India in 1995 we fell in love with the cuisine of that country. One meal in particular was totally awesome and we asked to meet the chef. We were introduced to this unassuming man named Savio Fernandes who came from the tiny coastal state of Goa. He explained how the entire meal from starters to dessert had been prepared in a uniquely Goan style. We were very impressed and asked the Cabinet Secretary if we could borrow the cook for a few months and take him to the USA to cook for us and our state guests for a while. They agreed and after a few weeks Savio joined our kitchen staff at the White House. The Portuguese ambassador was expected for a State Dinner so we asked Chef Savio Fernandes to cook a twelve course meal for the ambassador and his entourage and in the process show off his unique Indo-Portuguese cuisine. Savio suggested that the piece de resistance would be something called Sorpatel & Sanna. Bill was a bit wary as Savio described it as a very spicy dish and Bill was having a bit of a stomach upset at the time. But in the end we told Savio to go ahead. The dinner was a great hit with Savio presenting exotic dishes with names like Xacuti and Caldin and Feijado and Balchao and Vindaloo and Cafreal and Patoleo and Bebinca and what have you. Bill was particularly fascinated by the Sorpatel & Sanna and gorged away despite the delicate condition of his stomach. Just as we were saying our goodbyes it happened. Bill started getting severe cramps and nausea. He called aside the Chief of Staff and shouted at him, "Get rid of that Goan cook. Right now!". The Chief of Staff explained to Bill that proper protocol had to be followed or it would cause a diplomatic row. Bill shouted at him, "I am the President of the United States of America. If I want a chef sacked I can do it right now and don't need any of your protocols!" Just then Bill had another attack of cramps and excused himself from the room and rushed towards the bathroom. By now he was so disoriented that he couldn't remember which door led to the bathroom. Bill was on the verge of passing out from the pain when he finally found a door that opened. As he unzipped his trousers and ran in, he realized to his horror that he had stumbled into Monica Lewinsky's office with his trousers around his knees. As he was about to pass out, this naive girl bent over him and heard President Clinton whisper in a barely audible voice, "Sack my cook!" And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the whole misunderstanding occurred !!! The best 1st of April story I have heard. |