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Matzoh Balls
George W. says to an aide, "I need to do better in south Florida this year. I gotta see what all this Jewish stuff is about."
So off they go to a kosher restaurant. The first course is set in front of them - matzoh ball soup.
George W. is grossed out and reluctant to taste this strange-looking brew.
Gently, the aide says,"Just have a taste, Mr. President. If you don't like it, you don't have to finish it."
George W. gingerly lowers his spoon into the bowl, picking up a small piece of matzoh ball with some broth. He hesitates, then swallows, and a grin slowly appears on his face. George W. digs in and quickly finishes off the entire bowl and all of the matzoh balls.
"That was delicious," George W.says to his aide. "Do they eat any other parts of the matzoh, or just the balls?" -
Battle Weary
George Washington and his men had just finished a big battle and were tired and wounded. They were walking for miles looking for a place to stay when they came upon this very small broken-down shack.
Washington asked the man who answered the door if he had room to help some of his men as they were tired and sick. The man said, "As you can see I only have room for one man."
So Washington picked out his most wounded man, Private Cox, to stay there. Then he left with the rest of his men looking for another place.
After walking for several miles more, they finally saw this big beautiful mansion on a hill and proceeded to the mansion. Washington rang the bell and a beautiful woman came to the door, and asked him what he wanted. Washington explained that he had just fought a terrible battle and that some of his men were wounded and that they were all tired and needed some shelter and a place to rest.
The Madam explained that the place was actually a bordello, but that they would be happy to take in him and his men. In fact, she was excited about it. She asked, "How many men do you have?"
Washington answered, "About 99 men without Cox."
The madam replied, "You've got to be kidding me!" -
Hair implant
Saddam Hussein had an accident, so he was rushed to the hospital. The doctor had to perform an instant operation, due to his injuries. Saddam was wounded on the face and a deep scar was formed on his skin, but under his bushy beard. The doctor shaved off a part of his beard and then performed the surgery.
Afterwards, the doctor performed more surgery to replace the missing part of the beard, so he would look good as new. The doctor cut off Saddam's pubic hair and implanted it surgically on his face where the beard was missing.
Saddam awakened and then after 2-3 days, he was discharged and he went back home. After six months, Saddam came to the hospital to talk to the doctor who performed his operation.
Saddam said, "Doc, everything is okay, but a peculiar thing has happened to me many times."
The doctor asks, "What is happening?"
Saddam replies, "Whenever I scratch my beard, my penis gets erect! -
Greatest casanova!
One afternoon, three close friends named Hercules, Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan, sat by the river contemplating their lives.
Bold and arrogant, Hercules exclaimed that he was surely the strongest person in the world.
"That may be true", said Sleeping Beauty, "but I am better because I am obviously the most beautiful person in the world".
Don Juan laughed at both of them and said that without a doubt, he must be the greatest person alive simply because he had been with the most women.
After several hours of argument, they decided to consult a Guru for the truth.
First, Hercules went into Guru's cave. A few moments later he came out with a massive grin on his face. The Guru had said that he was, in fact, the strongest person in the world. He was very pleased.
Sleeping beauty came out of the cave with a lovely smile, "It is true! I am the most beautiful woman in the world!"
Moments later a distraught Don Juan came stomping out of the cave, "Who the hell is Bill Clinton!!???"