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Osama in Hell
Osama bin Laden has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don`t know what to do here," the devil says. "You`re on my list, but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I`ll tell you what I`m going to do: I`ve got a couple of people here who weren`t quite as bad as you. I`ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I`ll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Osama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil led him into the first room.
In it was Manuel Noriega and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty-handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell.
"No," bin Laden said, "I don`t think so. I`m not a good swimmer and I don`t think I could do that all day long."
So the devil led him to the next room. In it was the Ayatollah Khomeini with a sledgehammer and a huge pile of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No, I`ve got this problem with my shoulder. I`d be in constant agony if all I did was break rocks all day," Laden commented.
So the devil opened a third door. In it, bin Laden saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was his girl Monica, doing what she does best. Osama bin Laden stared in disbelief and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said, "OK, Monica, you`re free to go." -
Good Luck !
On July 20, 1969, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon. His first words, upon stepping on the moon, "That`s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind!" were televised to Earth and heard by millions.
Just before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark, "Good luck, Mr Gorsky!" Many people thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet cosmonaut. However, NASA confirmed there was no Mr Gorsky in either the Soviet or American space programs.
Over the years, people questioned Armstrong about the statement, but he only smiled. Finally, on July 5, 1995, at Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter once again brought up the 26-year old question to Armstrong.
This time, he responded. Mr Gorsky had died, and so Neil Armstrong felt he could now answer the question.
Apparently, in 1938, as a kid in a small mid-west town, he was playing baseball with a friend in his backyard. As his friend hit the ball, it landed in his neighbour`s yard, by their bedroom window. The neighbours were Mr and Mrs Gorsky.
As young Neil bent to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs Gorsky yelling at her husband, "Sex? You want sex? You`ll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!" -
Clinton`s secret box !
Bill & Hillary Clinton are celebrating their 25th Anniversary. All 25 years Bill has kept a large box under his side of the bed. He asked Hillary never to look in his box, and so she obeyed. But, on the morning of their 25th, she couldn`t stand the suspense any longer. She opened the box and there were three empty beer cans and $1800 cash. She closed the box and put it back.
At dinner, she looks to Bill and says, "Bill, I never looked in your box all 25 years, but I had to look today. The suspense was killing me. Though, I`m confused. Why three beer cans and $1800?"
He looks at her a few moments then tells her. "Hillary, every time I was unfaithful to you, I kept an empty beer can."
Hillary still looks puzzled." Ok Bill, I know the three times you were unfaithful. I`m hurt but that`s over with, But why $1800?"
Bill says," Well, every time the box got full, I went to recycling and kept the money." -
Crashing Supermodels !!
Naomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer, and Cindy Crawford are flying to a super models conference in Paris, when the captain of the plane announces: "We have just lost power to the engines and are going to make an emergency crash landing - assume the brace position immediately!"
Immediately the three models start preparing for the worst. Claudia pulls out lipstick and make-up and starts fixing her face.
Bewildered, Naomi and Cindy ask: "What in the hell are you doing fixing your make-up when we are about to freaking crash!"
Claudia responds: I know for a fact the rescue workers will search for, and save first, the ones who have the best looking faces- which is why I am putting on my make-up."
Cindy Crawford rips open her blouse to expose two beautiful mounds of flesh which inexplicably defy the law of gravity.
Totally confused, Naomi and Claudia shout: "Cindy, have you lost your senses? Why are you baring your breasts for everyone to see when we are about to die!"
Cindy responds: "I have it on good authority in plane crashes, the rescue workers look to save first the women with big beautiful breasts- which is why I am exposing my tits!"
Not hesitating, Naomi Campbell pulls down her skirt and panties to expose her "love triangle."
Freaking out, Claudia and Cindy yell: "Naomi - Are you crazy?? Why are you exposing your crotch for everyone to see??"
Calmly, Naomi responds: "BITCHES PLEASE! I know for a fact the first thing the rescue workers look for in plane crashes is a black box!!"