| A guy from Texas is invited to a Halloween costume party while in Chicago on business so he visits a costume shop. He says, "I'm going to a costume party, and I want to go as Adam." The girl looks him over, and then brings out a fig leaf. He says, "Not big enough." She brings out a bigger one. He says, "Still not big enough." She brings out a huge fig leaf. He says, "Honey That's still a little on the small side....." Not impressed she says, "Listen, Tex, why don't you just throw it over your shoulder and go as a gasoline pump?" |
| Two Italians, Luigi and Antonio, met on the street. "Hey, Antonio," said Luigi, "where-a you-a been for-a da past-a two weeks? No-a one-a seen-a you around." "Don'na talka to me, Luigi," replied Antonio. "I been-a inna da jail." "Jail!" exclaimed Luigi. "What for you been-a in jail?" "Wella, Luigi," Antonio said, "I was lying onna a beach, anna da cops come, arresta me and atrow me inna jail!" "But dey donna trow you in jail-a just for lying onna da beach!" Luigi countered. "Yeah, but dissa beach was ascreamin' and akickin' and a yellin'. |
| A Nigerian man goes on blind date, picks up his date in a large BMW. The girl comments, "This car is Big! " He replies, "Ah ma sista, everyting in Nigeria is big!" They get to a restaurant for dinner, to which she says, "This place is huge!" He replies, "I olready tod you ma sista, everything in Nigeria is big!" Later they head to his mansion...."WOW" she says, "Your house is massive!" "Yes ma sista I olready told you everyting in Nigeria is big !!!" They get into foreplay, when she comments, "Ummmmmmm your thing is gigantic!" He chuckles and says, "Ahhhhhhhh ma sista I olready tod you everyting in Nigeria is big!" And as he enters her, he pauses for a moment, ".....mmmmm ma sista are you also from Nigeria?" |
| An Australian ventriloquist visiting Pakistan walks into a small village and sees a local farmer Usman sitting on his porch patting his pet rabbit. He figures he'll have a little fun. Ventriloquist "G'day Mate! Good looking rabbit, mind if I speak to him. Usman: The rabbit doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie. Ventriloquist: Hello rabbit, how's it going mate? Rabbit: Doin' all right. Usman: (look of extreme shock) Ventriloquist: Is this villager your owner? (pointing at Usman) Rabbit: Yep. Ventriloquist: How does he treat you? Rabbit: Real good. He feeds me great food and takes me to the farm once a week to play. Usman: (look of utter disbelief) Ventriloquist: Mind if I talk to your horse? Usman: Uh, the horse doesn't talk either.... I think. Ventriloquist: Hey horse, how's it going buddy? Horse: Cool. Usman: (absolutely dumbfounded) Ventriloquist: Is this your owner? (pointing at the villager) Horse: Yep. Ventriloquist: How does he treat you? Horse: Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements. Usman: (total look of amazement) Ventriloquist: Mind if I talk to your goat? Usman: That goat's a fucking liar I didn't do nothing I swear... |