| A guy goes for a Job in a Timber Wholesalers, The interviewer asks him what experience he has, to which he replies, "I've been in the trade for so long, I can identify any wood just by it's smell." The Interviewer decides to put him to the test by blinfolding him and giving him samples to sniff. On sniffing the first sample, he says, "That's Brazilian Mahogany". The Interviewer is amazed and tries another. "That's South African Pearwood." This carries on with the guy getting every one right, so the interviewer decides to fuck him up. He calls his secretary in and whispers to her, "Let him sniff your arse." She does this and the guy says, "I'm not not sure, Can I smell that one again?" The interviewer tells the secretary to turn round. He sniffs her snatch and says, "I know. Its a Shithouse door made out of old fish crates." |
| A door to door salesman is making his rounds through the neighborhood and knocks on the next house on his list. A little boy answers the door and the salesman says, "Hi, is your mother in?" "Yes, said the boy, she's out in the back yard screwing the goat." "No," says the salesman, "I don't believe it!" The boy says, "Come and see for yourself." So the salesman looked in the back yard, and sure enough, there was the mom bent over with a large goat screwing her from behind. The salesman said to the boy, "Isn't she afraid she'll get pregnant?" The boy says, "N-a-a-a-a-a-a-" |
| A nice story - will make you appreciate family...however for most of us, it's too late! My grandmother died in the 50s, but her birthday is coming up, and that always causes me to reminisce. The long walks we used to take to the store in town, the quarters she gave me for meaningless jobs like pulling weeds or washing the sidewalk. Those gems were all good, but the one I remember most, the jewel in the crown of grandmotherly advice, occurred when I was only about 13. We were sitting in a park having just finished collecting some 40 soda bottles for the deposit money on a beautiful spring day. She told me that one day, I would find a wonderful woman and start my own family. "And always remember this thing," she said. "Be sure you marry a woman with small hands." "How come, Grandma?" I asked her. She answered in her soft Irish voice. "Makes your dick look bigger." Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it? |
| A man enters a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. The Pharmacist asks, "What size?" The man replies, "I do not know." Well, take this board with holes and go to the bathroom and measure. In 10 minutes the man comes back and tells the pharmacist, "I have changed my mind I don't need the condoms. How much is this board?" |