| Two widows, are talking at the Bowling Alley. Martha says, "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date.I know you went out with him last week and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer." Edna, "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M. Dressed up like such a gentleman in a fine suit. And he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs and what's there but a beautiful car... a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner... marvelous dinner - lobster. Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Martha, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL!!! Completely crazy. He tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times! He's a retired Marine!" Martha, "Goodness gracious! So you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him? Edna, "No... I'm just saying, wear an old dress." |
| At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be The first nun says, "I want to be Sunny Leone..." and *poof* she's gone. The second says, "I want to be Madonna and *poof* she's gone. The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini..." St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he asked. "Sara Pipalini," replies the nun. St Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell." The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says, "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months." |
| Two hot young ladies are talking one afternoon about the weekend just past. The first named Faba, and the second, Mujo, discussed Faba's last date. "You know what Mujo, I was out last night with an intellectual type." Faba declared. "What's that? What's do you mean intellectual type?" Mujo asked with curiosity. "Well, I mean I was dating a man who is very intellectual and intelligent," explained Faba to her friend. Mujo giggles, and asked, "So, how was it?" "First, he took me to dinner. Then he took me to a cinema movie. And then he took me out for a drive. After all that, he took me to his house. He began an intellectual conversation. And finally, he took out his penis." "What is this word, 'penis'," Mujo asked, unfamiliar with the clinical terminology. "Oh, it is what intellectuals have. It looks like a dick, just much smaller!" |
| A Priest was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Priest if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips." The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice." |