| Two businessmen were taking a break while setting up their soon-to-open store's shelving units. There they sat, in the middle of nothing but empty shelves. One said, "I bet any minute now some smart aleck will stick his head in the door and ask what we're selling." Within minutes, a man did just that, "Hey, boys. Whacha sellin'?" One businessmen responded sarcastically, "We're selling a$$holes." Without missing a beat, he rejoined, "Looks like business is good; ya only got two left!" |
| Once upon a time there lived a King. The King had a beautiful daughter, The PRINCESS. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.
No matter what; Metal, Wood, Stone, Anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The King despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the King, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured." The King was overjoyed and came up with a plan. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the King's wealth... THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE. The first brought a sword of the finest steel. But alas, when the Princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly. The second prince brought diamonds.He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the Princess touched them, they melted. He too was sent away disappointed. The third prince approached. He told the Princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." The Princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!! The King was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third Prince married the Princess and they both lived happily ever after. Question: What was in the Prince's pants? Cadbury's 5 Star. It melts in your mouth, not in your hand. But I appreciate ur thinking |
| Every year Simon entered the state lottery hoping to win. He never did. Finally he prayed vigorously, hoping for God's message, he walked around the fair. A flash of lightning struck as he was passing Suzie's stall. She was bending & he saw she was not wearing panties. He could see 7 written on both of her bums. He bet on 77 as he thought God had given him a clue. He lost again. The winning number was 707. Moral of the story: Never underestimate the importance of assholes in your life |
| David Copperfield is doing his magic show and asks if anyone would like to show him a trick. "I will", replies a guy in the audience, "but I'm going to need your wife Claudia and a table." "Ok", says David and the guy gets on stage. He then bends Claudia over the table, pulls down her knickers and starts f**king her from behind. David is now very pissed off and says, "That isn't a trick!!!" The guy just looks at David Copperfield and replies, "I know, it's fucking magic." |