| A dumb guy finds fifty cents in his couch at home. He really needs to have sex, so he goes to the local brothel and tells the lady at the desk, "Give me your best whore!" She yells upstairs, "Harry, grease up Sally!" and says, "That'll be five hundred dollars, please." The man says, "Oh, I don't have that much." The woman says, "Okay, then, Harry grease up Monica! That'll be two hundred dollars, please." The guy says, "I don't have that much." So the woman yells upstairs, "Harry, grease up Katrina! That'll be fifty dollars, please." The guy says, "Oh, I don't have that much." So the woman says, "Well, how much do you have?" He says "Fifty cents." So she yells upstairs "Harry, grease up!" |
| Two women are hiking in the woods. After an hour or so, they come to a stream. Unable to cross, they decide to walk along the stream and look for a narrower place. Fortunately they come to an old bridge spanning the stream. Deciding the bridge safe, the two women proceed to cross. Halfway across, one woman stops and says to the other, "I`ve always wanted to be like the guys, and urinate off a bridge." The other woman looks around and says, "Well, I don`t see anyone around, now`s your chance!" The first woman drops her hiking shorts and backs over to the side of the bridge. As she begins to urinate, she looks over her shoulder. "Holy shit!" she exclaims, "I just pissed in a canoe!" Alarmed, the second woman hurries over and peeks at the stream. "Calm down," she says. "That wasn't a canoe you pissed in, it was only your reflection." |
| Sister Mary burst into the principal's office and cried, "Father, just wait until you hear this!" "Calm down, Sister Mary. Now tell me what has you so excited?" "Well, Father, I was on my way to chapel when I heard some of the older boys wagering!" "A serious infraction, indeed!" said the priest. "But that's not what made me so excited, Father. It was what they were wagering on! They were betting to see who could urinate the highest on the wall!" "Incredible!!!" exclaimed the priest, "What did you do?" She said, "Father, I hit the ceiling!" He mused, "So how much did you win?" |
| A stewardess did her usual act of showing passengers the safety drill. Near the end she said, "And in the event of an emergency, bend forward and put your head between your legs." Eunice said to her boy friend Jeff, "I can't bend that far these days!" Jeff replied with a smile, "Well then, you'll just have to put your head between my legs." Eunice looked wide-eyed at her boy friend, and asked, "if my head were between your legs, where could you put your head?" "My love," replied Jeff, "if you've got your head between my legs, I won't give a damn where my head is!" |