| Three Texans were in a bar throwing back a few, while they were discussing the meaning of life. The conversation grew deeper and deeper when one of the gents started talking about reincarnation. The trio started considering the possibility of the existence of this phenomenon and what each would prefer to come back as given the choice. The first cowboy said, "Well I think if I had my 'druthers I'd come back as a big Brahman bull." The other two contemplated this choice and inquired as to why a bull. "Well," he said "If I was a bull all I would have to do would be to lie around, eat and sleep all day. My women would be brought to me, and my owner would be paid for my services. That seem like a pretty good life to me." His two buddies both agreed that sounded like a good way to go through life, but one thought he could improve on it. He said, "I'd rather come back as a range bull." "A range bull, why a range bull?" "Well," he said, "If I was a range bull it would be much the same as the life Leroy was talkin' 'bout. All I would have to do all day is lie around, eat and sleep, but I wouldn't have no fences to hold me back, and I would have my choice of all the women on the range. That seems like the best life to me." Leroy nodded in agreement. Just then ol' Charlie spoke up. "Naw," he said as he shook his head, "Ya'll got it all wrong. I'd rather come back as a whale." "A whale, why in tarnation would you want to come back as a whale?" They were amazed at Charlie's statement. Charlie just grinned and said, "Can you imagine having a seven foot tongue and bein' able to breathe out of the top of your head?" |
| An old man turned 100 and was being interviewed by a reporter for the local paper. During the interview the reporter noticed that the yard was full of children of all ages playing together. A very pretty girl of about 19 served the old man and the reporter, keeping them in fresh tea and running errands for them. "Are these yor grand kids?" the reporter asked. "Naw, sir, they all be my younguns," the old man replied with a sly grin. "Your kids?" said the reporter. "What about this beautiful young lady who keeps bringing us tea? Is she one of your children too?" "Naw, sir," said the old man. "She be my wife." "Your wife?" said the surprised reporter. "But she can't be more than 19 years old." "Thass right," said the old man with pride. "Well, surely you can't have a sex life with you being 100 and she being only 19," the reporter remarked. "Naw, sir," said the old man. "We have sex every night. Every night two of my boys helps me on it, and every morning six of my boys helps me off." "Wait just one minute," said the newspaperman. "Why does it only take two of your boys to put you on, but it takes six of them to take you off?" "Cause," the spry old man said with a tight fist, "I fights 'em." |
| Young Bill was courting Mabel, from the adjoining cattle ranch. One evening, as they sat on Bill's porch watching the sun go down over the western hills, Bill spied his prized stallion humping one of his mares. He sighed in contentment at this idyllic rural scene and figured the omens were right for him to put the move on Mabel. He leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Mabel, I'd sure like to do what that stallion is doing." Mabel whispered back, "Go ahead. She's your mare!" |
| A small town with a high birth rate attracted the attention of a team of university sociologists. They wrote a grant proposal, got a chunk of money, hired aides and an anthropologist, found a family planning and birth control specialist, moved to town, rented offices, set up their computers, and designed questionnaires. On the first full day of work, the project director went out for a cup of coffee. The waitress, knowing he was not a local, asked why he was in town. He explained and then asked her if she had any idea why the birth rate was so high. To his surprise, she replied, "Sure. Every morning the six o'clock train comes through here and blows for the crossing, waking everybody up. It's too late to go back to sleep and it's too early to get up!" |