| An Elderly lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes. She calls the shop, and the clerk advises her to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time. She spends weeks staring at the cage and eventually catches them doing what comes naturally. To make sure she doesn't get them mixed up again, she cuts out a ring from a piece of cardboard and puts it round the male parrot's neck. A while later, the local priest visits the old lady. The male parrot takes one look at the father's collar, wolf whistles, and says, "I see she caught YOU at it, too!" |
| A shy, drunken, innocent young man walked up to a beautiful young woman in a pub and said, "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" "Yes I do," replied the beautiful young woman, "But go ahead, as I'm sure you're going to ask me anyway." "OK," said the shy, drunken, innocent young man, "How many men have you slept with?" "That's my business!" snapped the woman. "Oh, cool!" said the young man. "I didn't realize you made a living at it!" |
| A beautiful young lady goes to new doctor for an annual exam. After completing his exam the Dr. asks the girl to get dressed and wait outside. After a while he calls her back and tells her that all her tests came out fine, she was in perfect health. "There was just one thing that bothers me," he said. "It's those calluses on your knees." The girl began blushing and said, "That has to do with my love making!" The doctor was confused and asked, "What has love making to do with your knees?" She replied, "I do it quite often, and always doggie style." The Dr. replied, "Don't you know any other style?" The girl said, "Oh yes, of course I do, but the dog doesn't!!!" |
| The old farmer was having a pretty bad year. All of his crops had been lost. Fortunately, the peach orchard had done really well. The only way he was going to make it financially was to cut out the middle man and sell the peaches directly to the consumer. So he loaded his pickup with peaches and headed to town. Just on the outskirts of town he came to a house. So he took a basket of peaches and went up and knocked on the door. A gorgeous blond in a sheer robe answered the door. In a sexy voice she said, "Hi, Honey, what can I do for you?" Quite shaken, the old farmer muttered, "I have these here really nice peaches for sale." The blond, noticing how shaken he was, decided to play a bit. So she opened the top of her robe showing her breasts. She said, "Are those peaches full and firm like these?" Very shaken, he managed to whisper, "Oh yes, they're really good peaches." So she opened the rest of her robe, showing she had on no panties. She teased, "Would they be succulent and delicious like this?" The old farmer popped out crying and said, "Oh yes, they're wonderful peaches." She said, "Well, honey, why on earth are you crying?" The old farmer whimpered, "Lady, the cut worms ruined my tomato crop and the weevels ate all my cotton and now I think you're gonna screw me out of my peaches." |